Your stupid minds! Stupid! Stupid!!

So, as you may know, today was Independence Day for those of us here in the United States. As you may also know, we…haven’t been doing the greatest at following simple instructions designed to keep ourselves alive. This combination brings us directly to today’s word.

lemming, noun – a small, Arctic rodent falsely made famous for the belief that they willingly run off of cliffs

Learned from: Lemmings (Genesis, Amiga, NES, Super Nintendo, Game Boy, Game Gear, Atari Lynx, Sega Master System)

Developed by DMA Design

Published by Psygnosis (1991)

Video game developers seem to have a fondness for unusual animals, from echidnas, to bandicoots, to lemmings. I probably wasn’t the only kid whose first exposure to some of these critters was through games featuring them.

Lemmings is a puzzle game. You’re tasked with safely guiding a bunch of the titular creatures (depicted as green-haired humanoids in blue robes for some reason), across a series of hazards, by assigning them different tasks. The lemmings, themselves, have no sense of self-preservation, and will walk blindly into lava pits, spikes, acid pools, and many, many other deadly fates. It isn’t an easy task, and the fact that I was playing the Genesis version (with very sluggish controls in a real-time game) only made it harder. Still, it’s considered a classic for good reason, because it is a lot of fun. Certainly more fun than…

lemmings

This is an image taken today from a local beach. Half of these people are probably tourists, which means it’s anyone’s guess how many people they came into contact with, across how many states, before they got here. The faces of anyone close enough to be identified have been replaced with something more fitting.

Pluto is in marmalade: ill fortune!

I probably shouldn’t joke about this too loudly; given the propensity toward essential oils and goji berries that some people in my country have, I don’t want to give them ideas about regressing to Medieval “cures” for diseases. And this is related to today’s word, but first I’d like to apologize for being gone for so long. I was training someone in at work for a few weeks, and life in general had gotten more draining somehow. But I did find some time amidst all that to play a few games. Such as this one.

borage, noun – a flowering herb native to the Mediterranean; also known as starflower

Learned from: Astrologaster (PC, mobile)

Developed by Nyamnyam

Published by Nyamnyam (2019)

Astrologaster is sort of a fully-narrated choose your own adventure game. You play as “doctor” Simon Forman, a 16th-century astrologer who sets his sights on medicine after the stars tell him how to cure the plague (a cure he calls “strong water,” which includes, among other things, borage). The only problem is, he doesn’t have a medical license. Since posing as a doctor without a license is a crime in Elizabethan Londan, Simon sets out to acquire one the only way he knows how–not through study and scholarship, but through providing sound medical advice through astrology. What could possibly go wrong?

And it’s not just people’s health that you’ll be dealing with. You’ll also consult the stars to offer advice on investments, love affairs, and even military campaigns. Things can go horribly (and at times hilariously) awry, and you can intentionally sabotage people if you want, but it’ll make it harder to get the recommendations you need to get your license.

That is, of course, when Simon isn’t sabotaging himself. Without spoiling anything, I will say that he becomes a rather…unlikable character as the story goes on, doing things behind the scenes that the player (as far as I can tell) has no control over. This made it a bit of a chore to finish the game, in all honesty, because after awhile I wasn’t really sure I wanted to see him succeed. Still, there’s a colorful cast of characters, some solid voice acting, and writing that’s genuinely funny at times. If the overall premise sounds appealing, you’ll probably enjoy Astrologaster to some extent.

borage

Fun fact: While edible (and pretty), borage contains chemicals that may be carcinogenic. Not recommended for the treatment of plague.

Achievement unlocked

This past week has been an absolute nightmare. Not so much for me, specifically, but if you’re from the U.S., you know what I’m talking about. Hell, even if you’re not living here, you probably know, because chances are, your news outlets actually cover international stories. So much is just…wrong, lately, that I wanted to focus on a word from simpler times, before the riots, and hatred, and boastful “leaders” who can’t even show their faces in times of crisis. So, let’s visit a game full of bright colors, cheeky humor, and young girls who announce their plans to conquer the universe by way of an idol concert. All of which brings us to today’s word:

vainglory, noun – disproportionately high pride in one’s accomplishments

Learned from: Mugen Souls (Playstation 3)

Developed by Compile Heart

Published by NIS America (2012)

I initially picked up Mugen Souls more for the fact that I know one of the English voice actors, than anything else. It got fairly mediocre reviews from critics, and I wanted to support her work. And hey, maybe it would end up being an underappreciated gem. Well…the game isn’t bad, but it’s nothing really outstanding, either.

Mugen Souls puts you in the shoes of Chou-Chou a girl who wants to rule the universe through the power of moe. (Moe is a Japanese term that basically refers to things that people find cute, often when they’re not supposed to be.) Essentially, she wants to subjugate everyone by making them become infatuated with her. But not everybody likes bubbly, pink-haired girls, right? Not a problem! Chou-Chou has multiple personalities, each with its own quirk: masochistic, sadistic, ditzy, bipolar, etc. Each has its own attributes, and skills, and effectiveness against different enemies. It’s goofy, and saccharine, and really, really weird (you can make entire continents fall in love with you. Not the people–the landmasses themselves).

One of the passive skills Chou-Chou has is called vainglory (fittingly, in her “Ego” form). It offers various buffs to her attacks, as well as boosts a…certain type of experience/reward you get from battles. It’s kinda hard to explain, because while the game has a silly premise, the actual gameplay is surprisingly complex. There are literally hours‘ worth of tutorials, explaining all the various mechanics. And really, it was this Gordian knot of things to keep straight, along with the death of my original PS3, that kept me from finishing this game.

However, if you have a better stomach for exhaustive tutorials than I do, you might want to dig up a copy of this strange little game. It’s certainly a different sort of experience, and maybe it’ll be just the distraction you need in these trying times.

Chou-Chou

The many faces of Chou-Chou.

What’s in a name?

If you’re like me, the current state of things has you pretty frustrated. I considered a bunch of words that would reflect different aspects of the aggravation I’m feeling about how poorly people (in my country at least) are responding to the COVID-19 pandemic, when I realized I could sum it all up in one. It’s not so much the word itself, but rather the game it’s from.

halitosis, noun – bad breath

Learned from: Aaargh! (Apple IIGS, Amiga, Amstrad CPC, Atari ST, Arcade, Commodore 64, PC, ZX Spectrum)

Developed by Binary Design, Sculpted Software

Published by Arcadia Systems, Melbourne House (1988)

Aaargh! is an early attempt at portraying giant monster battles in a game. But in the absence of licensed properties like Godzilla, Ultraman, or King Kong, the developers had to make do with a generic giant lizard, and an “ogre” (which, for some reason, they actually drew as a cyclops). The two monsters were basically sprite swaps, since they each had the same moves, though the ogre certainly got the short end of the stick, thematically. Instead of the lizard’s actual fire breath, he was described as having “halitosis, which is so bad it sets things on fire.” And yes, I dug up the manual to find the exact wording, after twenty-odd years. I’m dedicated. 😉

The game itself was technically less about beating up the other monster, and more about finding the eggs of a giant bird, hidden in a primitive village before your opponent did. (The actual type of bird is another word I learned from this game, but that’s a post for another time.) It was…okay for what it was trying to do, but there are reasons it was overshadowed by Rampage, which came out a few years earlier and offered more robust gameplay. Plus, there’s that title…

aaargh

Aaargh! indeed.

Does anybody really know what time it is?

While my Pile of Shame (TM) still has a ton of games in it, I figured the quarantine was a good opportunity to tackle some of the longer ones–JRPGs, and such. Recently, I finished the first Trails in the Sky, and I see why the Legend of Heroes series (which includes the Sky trilogy, the Cold Steel quadrilogy, and two un-localized games in between them) is so highly regarded by fans. The plot is a slow burn until the final chapter, but once it kicks into high gear, it leads to one hell of a cliffhanger. Anyway, today’s word…

tourbillon, noun – a watch mechanism designed to mitigate gravity’s effect on the movement of the gears

Learned from: Legend of Heroes: Trails in the Sky (PSP, PC, Playstation 3, Playstation Vita)

Developed by Nihon Falcom

Published by XSeed Games (2011)

Literally meaning “whirlwind,” the use of “tourbillon” in Trails in the Sky was in a more mechanical sense. Much of the society in the game is based around technology derived from ancient artifacts (naturally). Called “orbments,” these devices combine clockwork mechanisms and elemental crystals to produce everything from street lights, to airships, to weapons. And as with all steampunk-ish technology, things can always be fine-tuned, hence the inclusion of tourbillons in some tech to make it more stable/accurate.

There’s actually quite a bit more depth behind the history of the orbments, as well as pretty much every aspect of the world in this series. Hell, even most of the individual townsfolk you run across have individual names, agendas, and dialog that’s more than “Welcome to <NAME OF TOWN>!” The sheer amount of text here can weigh things down a bit, but if you’re the sort of person who’d, say, read all the books in Skyrim, you’ll probably love getting immersed in the history of Liberl. Even if you don’t look through all the extra stuff, the tension and interplay between various factions of the military, the Bracer guild (sort of an international police/mercenary force), and the ruling family is plenty intriguing on its own.

tl;dr: If Trails in the Sky is any indication, this series is an underappreciated gem in the West. And all the games that have been translated into English are now available on Steam, so you don’t even have to be a weirdo who owns a PSP, like me, to enjoy them!

trails_in_the_sky

It’s also got quite the colorful cast of characters.

It belongs in a museum!

With the quarantine continuing on, I’ve had ample time to lose myself in games, including Animal Crossing: New Horizons, which I didn’t think I’d like anywhere near as much as I do. Which brings us to today’s word.

Euththenopteron, noun – a genus of lobe-finned fishes that may be the link between sea- and land-dwelling life

Learned from: Animal Crossing: New Horizons (Switch)

Developed by Nintendo

Published by Nintendo (2020)

I loved dinosaurs as a kid, but much like the fossil record, it seems there were some gaps in my knowledge–namely when it came to prehistoric creatures that weren’t dinosaurs, per se. Woolly mammoths? No interest. Saber-toothed tigers? Young me couldn’t have cared less. For some reason, if it wasn’t lizardy and scaled, it didn’t catch my eye. (Except for trilobites–I always thought they were cool.) So it’s always cause for celebration when I learn more about the animals I just brushed off in my youth. Especially when they’re something as noteworthy as one of the first creatures to try and crawl out of the sea.

eusthenopteron

Darling, isn’t it?

Easter in quarantine

I’m not going to say “happy Easter,” because most of the things that people seem to like best about the holiday are things that they really shouldn’t be doing right now. If you’re having an egg hunt, I hope it’s indoors, or that you have a fenced lawn. Much as you miss your families, you really shouldn’t have them over for dinner. And if you’re smart, you’re not going to church, because if there are a bunch of people clustered together, the virus doesn’t care where they are. It’s understandable if this makes you feel sad, frustrated, or even guilty, but staying home and staying safe is objectively more important than putting yourself and others at risk, simply because tradition calls for it. And in a roundabout way, that brings us to today’s word.

biliary, adj. – of, or relating to the bile ducts or gall bladder

Learned from: Blasphemous (Nintendo Switch, PC, Playstation 4, XBox One)

Developed by The Game Kitchen

Published by Team17 (2019)

Blasphemous is essentially Catholic Guilt: The Video Game. It’s a 2D metroidvania full of quasi-religious imagery, where everything joyful is a sin, and if a person is suffering, that means they’re blessed. It’s twisted and grim, and a perfect example of a Kickstarter project done right. You play as the Penitent One in Silence (there are other Penitent Ones with different burdens they carry), as he tries to atone for whatever sins he’s committed, by slashing his way through an oppressive world suffused with twisted faith. Your sword is gradually piercing its way into your own flesh, you regularly anoint yourself with the blood of your foes, and your health items are biliary flasks (that admittedly look more like they’re filled with blood than bile).

In short, the game is metal. Less short, it’s a beautifully realized world, with great pixel art, plenty of secrets to find, and gameplay that’s a comfortable challenge. So if you’re stuck at home today, and looking for something new to play, consider giving this one a shot.

blasphemous

I could make a “he is risen” joke, but that’s low-hanging fruit. Also, bad grammar.

Nice body work

So, the other day, the first images of the Playstation 5 controller were finally released, and I have to say, it’s a sleek piece of hardware. As a friend of mine put it, it’s like they took the time travel suits from Avengers: Endgame, and turned them into a controller. He’s not entirely wrong–this thing is slick. And in a roundabout way, that brings us to today’s word.

chassis, noun – the supporting frame of a structure (as a vehicle or appliance); also: the frame and working parts (as of a car or electronic device), exclusive to the body or housing

Learned from: MissionForce: Cyberstorm (PC)

Developed by Dynamix

Published by Sierra Entertainment (1996)

MissionForce: Cyberstorm has the kind of title you might get from taking a few spins on an X-TREME ’90s version of roulette. But as a game, it was a somewhat deep, turn-based strategy game with mechs–mechs that you could customize from chassis, to loadouts, to pilots. But really, what it might be best-known for (if indeed, it’s known at all these days), is the fact that each box came with two copies of the game. These days, with all the worry over piracy, and the invasive DRM software in place to try and fight it, giving away an extra copy of a game for free would be nigh-unthinkable. Then again, maybe the developers weren’t confident enough that it would sell, without giving it that extra push, to help generate word of mouth (and considering the quality of the game, that wouldn’t be surprising). Either way, it was a cool little bonus at the time.

PS5-Controller_04-07-20

This is the DualSense controller for the PS5. Its design is futuristic, sleek, and pretty damn appealing if I do say so myself.

Cyberstorm_Cover

This is the box for MissionForce: Cyberstorm. It’s, erm….none of those things.

Bodies at rest

I’m sure most of you are under some level of quarantine at this point. Even I, who falls under the “essential worker” category in my state, am currently in the middle of what amounts to a four-day weekend. I’m reading more, whittling down my to-read/watch/play piles, and heck, I’ve even started painting again. By no means do I intend to make light of the COVID-19 situation, but I could get used to this. Which brings us to today’s word.

inertia, noun – the tendency for a body at rest or in motion to remain so, unless acted upon by an outside source

Learned from: Star Control (Genesis, Amiga, Amstrad CPC, Commodore 64, PC, ZX Spectrum)

Developed by Toys for Bob

Published by Accolade (1990)

Part of me wishes I’d been a bit older when I first played Star Control, because there were a lot of bits of parody that I didn’t get way back in the early ‘90s. From androids having letter designations of tax forms, to the ships of the all-female race of Syreen being shaped like marital aids, most of it sailed right over my naïve, innocent head. What stuck with and captivated me however, was the incredibly addictive combat.

Each of the 15 different races had their own style of ship, with its own unique set of primary and secondary weapons. Everything from cloaking devices, to automated fighter drones, to acidic bubbles made an appearance in this game, and some of the matchups were incredibly fun. The battle between a lightly-armored, inertia-less Arilou fighter, against a hulking Ur-Quan Dreadnought remains one of my favorite in the game, in an Ajax vs. Achilles sort of way: speed vs. raw destructive power and all that good stuff.

Again, they don’t make covers like this anymore, and that’s a shame.

So, about the Archon series…

I realize with my last post, I jumped into the sequel without talking much about the game that came first, though I have learned words from both of them. In an odd, meta-narrative way, this is actually fitting, since I did play Archon II before I ever gave the first one a shot. Since they’re both pretty fun games, with different things to offer, I felt I should give the original some attention. Which brings us to today’s word.

manticore, noun – a mythical creature with the head of a man, the body of a lion, and the tail of a scorpion, also (sometimes) the wings of a bat

Learned from: Archon: The Light and the Dark (Apple II, Atari 8-bit, Commodore 64, Amiga, PC, Macintosh, NES, Amstrad CPC, ZX Spectrum, PC-88)

Developed by Free Fall Associates

Published by Electronic Arts (1983)

In many ways, the first Archon is a much more straightforward game than its sequel. It has the same system where if two units land on the same square, the screen shifts to an abstract representation of the battlefield, where you fight in real-time, but there’s less environment variety. Instead of elemental planes, you’ve got what amounts to a chessboard with white and black squares. The gimmick comes in the fact that the board undergoes a constant day/night cycle, where the Light side is stronger during the day (and on white squares), while the Dark side is stronger at night (and on black spaces). There are also in-between squares that shift colors along with the time of day. This injects a bit of strategy, where your most mobile units can get to the enemy leader faster, but taking them to their max range in a turn might leave them on the wrong-colored square as day/night is approaching.

And oh, are there a lot of unit types. From basic soldiers, to trolls, to shapeshifters, to the manticore. The description of it above comes from Arabian mythology, and I have to admit, it’s pretty cool…but at the time, I had no idea what I was supposed to be looking at. The thing was just a vaguely quadrupedal mass of blue pixels, with something that looked as much like a satellite dish as a tail. Not exactly frightening. Thankfully, my parents had an encyclopedia with a better illustration, and from that point on, my imagination filled in the blanks better than any graphics of the time could have (cheesy as that probably sounds).

archon

If this looks like an old album cover, you’re not entirely wrong. Some games from this era came in what were essentially record sleeves.