Castles don’t have phones…or car ports!

So, it’s spooky season, and I’m really doing my best to distract myself from the looming shitshow that is probably going to follow the November midterm elections. That means horror movies/books/games, trying to figure out makeup for my Halloween costume, and my community’s annual production of The Rocky Horror Picture Show, from which I drew inspiration for the title of this post, and which brings us to today’s word.

valet, noun – a manservant, responsible for his employer’s clothing and appearance

Learned from: Fatal Labyrinth (Sega Genesis, Nintendo Switch, Playstation 3, Playstation 4, XBox 360, XBox One)

Developed by Sega

Published by Sega (1990)

When I was seven years old, and I picked this one up, I only knew a valet as someone who parked your car at fancy hotels. So, I was rather confused to see the term used in this Medieval fantasy roguelike game about recovering a sacred chalice from a dragon at the top floor of a massive castle. And in traditional RPG-style, this task is so monumentally important that you get sent into this labyrinth wielding a mighty…knife. You might have leather armor to start too, but I can’t quite remember. Still, real vote of confidence for our hero, here. (As is the fact that you can collect gold on your quest, but literally the only thing you can use it for is buying a bigger tombstone when/if you die.)

So, where does the valet come in? Well, as you level up, your character doesn’t just get an ever-increasing number on his stat sheet, but each level comes with its own unique title, as well. From Beginner, to Squire, to Knight, to Fighter, and so on. I think Valet came between Squire and Knight, but again, it’s been awhile. Still, the fact that the townsfolk sent some random kid who clearly has no combat experience into a 30-floor castle with nothing but a kitchen knife still strikes me as wild, all these years later. But then, this kid can pick up and use any magic scroll or staff he comes across, with no prior training, so maybe he’s special. Sure, you never know what any of these things are going to do until you use them, but the fact that he can use them at all makes up a bit for any unfortunate teleportation or blindness that might occur.

The potions were worse. Also random. Potentially actually injurious. I miss that about traditional roguelikes.

Our hero would’ve been better off parking carriages for a living.

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: Damn, do I ever miss the box art of older games.

When you boil it down

If you’ve been on the Internet at all this week, I think it’s statistically impossible that you haven’t heard about the Oblivion remaster. I have mixed feelings on it, but the original did teach me some words, so let’s get that out of the way first.

alembic, noun – an obsolete device used in distillation

Learned from: Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion (PC, XBox 360, Playstation 3, Playstation 5, XBox Series X/S)

Developed by Bethesda Game Studios

Published by Bethesda Softworks (2006, 2025 for the remaster)

Alchemy can be a big part of Elder Scrolls games if you want it to be. You can start with stuffing random toadstools in your mouth, and end up with an entire collection of beakers and tubes to distill more potent tinctures.

There, I’ve got the word out of the way. Now I want to talk about this remaster, starting with the good: It’s more or less an entire remake from the ground up, and it looks fantastic…and it costs $50. In an age where Nintendo is selling remakes of 8 year old games for $80+, this game that’s old enough to vote looks better than the shinier versions of Zelda, undoubtedly took more work, and is selling for at least thirty bucks less. That’s admirable, and I think more people should be talking about it, because it’s selling like hotcakes and it blows Nintendo’s bullshit pricing out of the water.

Unfortunately…it’s selling like hotcakes. Look, the industry is positively drowning in remakes of games we’ve already played. And the hotcakes sales of Oblivion Remastered is only adding weight to that trend. Plus, there are other games coming out–including some very, very good ones this very week–from indie developers who could really use the sales.

Want another RPG? Clair Obscur: Expedition 33 has been incredible, just in the few hours I’ve gotten to play of it. Gorgeous world. Likeable and well-written characters. Engaging combat. Surprising emotional notes. Also $50.

Is horror more your jam? Post Trauma looks to be a decent stab at the Silent Hill formula, and came out the same damn day as Oblivion Remastered. I’ve seen no one talking about it–and yes it’s a different genre, but that doesn’t stop all the attention on the Internet from being on Oblivion. Oh, and it’s only $15, and I’m sure the developers would love to make another sale or two.

Hell, one of the creators behind Hundred Line: Last Defense Academy, a mix of visual novel and turn-based tactical RPG from the minds behind Danganronpa and Zero Escape, has reportedly sunk his life savings into this project. And here comes Oblivion Remastered to possibly drive him into poverty. This is the most expensive, at $60, but also potentially the most distinctive of the three I mentioned.

Look, I’m glad people are enjoying revisiting a game they grew up with, or discovering it for the first time, and I’d never tell them to stop having fun. But I really feel like I need to highlight that other games do exist, that actually have original concepts and fresh ideas. Just…look around at what else is out there? Please? Bethesda doesn’t need your money as much as some of these smaller developers.

The times, they are a-changing.

So, it’s been a pretty momentous week. But one of the least-seismic, and perhaps best developments is the mass exodus of users from Twitter. Sorry, Elon, nobody is going to call it X. That platform has been a cesspool for awhile now, and I don’t think I’ve used it since WordPress removed their auto-post integration, but the recent TOS change, saying anything you post can be used to train AI…well, that’s actually been kind of great, because it’s made people realize there are other options out there.

All of this is to say, I’m now on Bluesky Social: brainrotblog.bsky.social

Also, this brings us to today’s word.

climacteric, adj. – constituting or related to a major event or critical period

Learned from: Mass Effect 2 (Playstation 3, PC, XBox 360)

Developed by Bioware

Published by Electronic Arts (2010)

The Mass Effect games fall into the same category of RPGs as your Fallouts, your Elder Scrolls, and even your Genshin Impacts, in that there is a metric boatload of in-game lore to read through, if you’re so inclined. You could easily just ignore the plot for an hour or two, kick back, and read through piles of data logs about anything from the Reapers, to the complex interrelations between the Hanar and the Drell, to the centuries-long life cycles of the Asari. I think it was the latter where I first saw climacteric, in relation to when Asari reach adulthood, or something. (It’s been quite a long time since I’ve played this series; I should fix that.)

Fun bonus fact: Climacteric is also a noun, meaning a major event or critical period. This also makes it one of my least-favorite words, right up there with “chiropractic.” Some people hate the word “moist.” I hate nouns that end in -ic. It’s like saying, “I’m going to study scientific.” There’s nothing about that that sounds right.

“Liara is aesthetic.” You see what I mean? It’s just wrong!

I’d think up a clever title, but I’m getting over a cold

Though, in a roundabout way, that’s fitting for the word I’ve chosen today. In ages past (and depressingly, probably still today in certain regions of the world), people thought disease was caused by black magic. Predictably, a variety of protective charms and incantations were invented to try and keep people healthy. And, while not an exact correlation, it does bring us to today’s word.

apotropaism, noun - the use of magical incantations to ward off evil

Learned from: Dragon’s Dogma (PC, Playstation 3, Playstation 4, Nintendo Switch, XBox 360, XBox One)

Developed by Capcom

Published by Capcom (2012)

Dragon’s Dogma is a gloriously janky game. Combat can be a confusing mess of slow motion camera pans, characters being grappled into the ground, enemies launching 20 feet into the air from a single explosive arrow, etc. It’s like Skyrim, if all the rough edges and bizarre physics were intentional. And the fact that it embraces its weirdness with such madcap abandon actually ends up being quite endearing. I just hope the upcoming (as of this writing) sequel doesn’t try to iron out what made the original so distinct–even if it was completely overshadowed by Dark Souls when it first came out, despite being a very different sort of game.

One of those main differences is that you always have a party of up to two companions.* And these friends, called Pawns, have some of the better AI I’ve seen in a game like this. Depending on their vocation, they’ll try to restrain enemies, grab useful things from the environment to utilize in combat (e.g. explosive barrels), and if they’re a mage, they seem to have a decent grasp of when to shoot lightning, when to enchant your weapon for you, when to heal the group, etc. It’s really quite impressive.

Speaking of mages, one of the passive skills you can get for them is apotropaism, which is a mouthful that boils down to: They take reduced magic damage. No special rituals or preparations, as the word itself would have you believe; you buy it, and it’s there forever. If only warding off evil in the real world were as straightforward.

*It’s been pointed out to me that you can actually have three pawns accompanying you: two, plus your personal pawn. Just throw it on the pile of things this game doesn’t adequately explain to you, like why the backspace key is the default “save changes” button on the PC version…except when it’s the button that exits the entire game. Go figure.

The “Dark Arisen” subtitle is the “enhanced” version of the game Capcom released shortly after the original. It ruffled a lot of feathers at the time, but if you’re looking to try it out now, this is the only version of the game you’re likely to find, so no need to worry.

A word of caution

On this random Sunday, I’d just like to dispense a bit of advice: you never can really know when something you do or say could have unintended consequences. This might sound like I’m advocating living in a constant state of anxiety, but that’s not exactly the case. That sort of thing tends to be my general state of being, and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. Just, be mindful, because you don’t always know what other people may be going through. Which brings us to today’s word.

chary, adj. – exceptionally wary or cautious

Learned from: The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim (Released on virtually everything that can display graphics, since the PS3 era. I’m not listing it all.)

Developed by Bethesda Game Studios

Published by Bethesda Softworks (originally 2011, with many, many re-releases afterward)

These games are full of books. Books about history, and poetry, and cooking, and travel guides–there’s a lot here for anyone with the patience and interest to seek it out and read through it all. That said, I don’t think I would’ve had the foggiest idea of which book the word “chary” showed up in, if I hadn’t scribbled an extra memo next to it in my notebook. If I was accurate, this word shows up somewhere in volume 2 of The Real Barenziah, in reference to how some townsfolk feel with regards to the titular character.

Now, if you offered me a million dollars to tell you just who Barenziah was, or why your average citizen might be overly wary of him, I would not leave the conversation a rich man. Heck, I can’t even say for certainty that Barenziah as a “him” at all, it’s been so long since I read this particular story-within-a-story. And that’s something I seem to remember from Skyrim as a whole: a lot of the ancillary, background material seemed significantly more detailed and fleshed out than the events taking place during your adventure.

In fairness though, I never finished it. After about 20 hours of primarily fighting the same reskinned “guy with melee weapon,” “guy with ranged weapon,” and “guy with magic” over and over again, I lost interest. If I find a subterranean nest of bug people, fighting them shouldn’t feel essentially the same as fighting a group of bandits. But it did. I guess I just wanted more of a chary feeling, venturing into the unknown, instead of the boredom that settled in.

I couldn’t find a screenshot of that exact page, so enjoy the hexadecimal codes for a bunch of crafting materials, instead.

Happy Bunny Day

Well, it’s Easter, and while I haven’t really done anything to celebrate the holiday since I was ten years old or so, and my job is closed on Sundays already, at least there’s good candy. Seriously, after Halloween, I think Easter has the best holiday candy. (Though, if they worked maple candies into Arbor Day celebrations, I might be tempted to change that ranking.) But the first thing that pops into most people’s minds when you say “Easter” isn’t candy, it’s probably the Easter Bunny. Which brings us to today’s word.

lapin, noun – a castrated male rabbit

Learned from: BlazBlue: Continuum Shift (Playstation 3, Arcade, XBox 360)

Developed by Arc System Works

Published by Aksys Games (2010)

If it sounds like the word of the day took a dark turn, imagine how I felt when I looked it up–especially since it’s a nickname for a female character in the game! Rachel Alucard is a gothic lolita vampire, of the “looks like she’s twelve, but is actually 200” variety. She has some history with another quasi-ageless character named Hakumen: a tall, imposing figure who may or may not be a living suit of armor. (BlazBlue’s weird.)

Anyway, Hakumen sees himself as being above most people, so he rarely refers to anyone by their actual name, assigning most folks a nickname instead (a la “Grimalkin,” which I believe I featured awhile back). He isn’t the only one who calls Rachel some sort of rabbit name, on account of the bow she wears in her hair that resembles bunny ears, but man is his choice the most scathing! I mean, Hakumen is kind of a jerk to everybody, but the more you think about his particular choice of nicknames for Rachel, the more insulting it seems: Castration tends to stunt a person’s growth (Rachel is quite short), prevent the development of sexual characteristics (Rachel is flat as a board), make the person more docile (Rachel speaks quite softly–though she’s entirely capable of dishing out violence), etc. and so on.

Bit of an extra lesson today. You’re welcome. 🙂

I was so focused on the hair bows, that I didn’t even mention her fat imp and living cat umbrella…did I mention BlazBlue was weird?

Back from the dead

A lot has happened since my last post–most of it work-related. We’ve had a couple people leave, others have been out sick, so I’ve been picking up extra shifts and training in new hires as a result. It’s not over yet, but things have slowed down for the moment–enough that I was able to get my first round of the Moderna vaccine today. Which brings us to today’s word.

ampoule, noun – a small, hermetically sealed glass or plastic vessel used to store solutions for hypodermic injection

Learned from: Silent Hill 2 (Playstation 2, PC, XBox, Playstation 3, XBox 360)

Developed by Konami Computer Entertainment Tokyo

Published by Konami (2001)

Silent Hill‘s equivalent of the first aid spray from Resident Evil, ampoules would bring you back to pretty much full health, no matter how close to death you were. Though, I really don’t know how any of the protagonists actually got the stuff inside into their systems, since you never pick up any syringes. Maybe they just drink it? Seems about as sanitary as anything else in Silent Hill: the town where you can get eye tetanus just by reading the street signs.

On the subject of the COVID vaccine though, it was painless. I got it about an hour and a half ago, and the worst side-effect I have so far is a tiny bit of an ache in my arm. So far, it’s not even as rough as the flu vaccine, which is great. Though, seeing just how many people showed up to get their doses this morning made me almost pine for the deserted streets of Silent Hill. A year of isolation hasn’t exactly helped my social anxiety.

Still, it feels good to be back posting here, so it won’t be long until the next one. Cheers, and sign up to get the vaccine if you haven’t already–it really isn’t bad at all.

In sticking with a theme…

It would appear I still have an ax to grind, after that last post, but this time around, I’ll strive to make the entry more about the game, than the real world.

mendacious, adj. – relating to deception, falsehood, or divergence from the truth

Learned from: The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim (on damn near every platform since the XBox 360 and Playstation 3)

Developed by Bethesda Game Studios

Published by Bethesda Softworks (2011)

There are a lot of books scattered throughout the realm of Skyrim, and most of the words this game taught me came from a series of tales about the dark elf, Barenziah. There are plenty of other stories to be found, but for whatever reason, the writers decided to be the most verbose in talking about this particular elf. Mentions of mendacious caravans seeking to avoid paying tolls, or chary subjects, distrustful of their new rulers abound in the history of this character whom (to the best of my knowledge), you never actually meet in the game.

When you think about it, it’s odd that Skyrim gets as much praise as it does for being so “deep,” when so much of its lore breaks a cardinal rule of storytelling. e.g. telling, instead of showing. We’re (largely) well past the era of the text adventure, and video games are an inherently visual medium; we could very feasibly be seeing these events instead of killing our eyes, squinting at chapters of raw text in a virtual book, on a TV screen across the room (or a monitor on our desk). It’s like an audiobook presented in Morse Code: it really doesn’t take advantage of what the format has to offer.

skyrim

Skyrim: 10th Anniversary Edition, coming soon to a graphing calculator near you!

Writing buddy

As I type this, my cat is curled up on the back of the couch near my head, snoring. This entry goes out to her.

grimalkin, noun – A domestic cat–particularly, an old female cat.

Learned from: BlazBlue: Calamity Trigger (Playstation 3, Arcade, XBox 360)

Developed by Arc System Works

Published by Aksys Games (2008)

For fighting games, the BlazBlue series has always had a rather fleshed out story mode. Granted, after a couple entries, it stops making much sense, but it certainly is deep. A lot of the characters have extensive backstories that color their interactions with one another. Ragna and Jin are extreme examples of feuding siblings, Litchi and Arakune were lovers back when Arakune was still human (at least, in Litchi’s eyes), and the once-great hero, Hakumen (who’s now a living suit of armor), hates the mad scientist, Kokonoe. Kokonoe also happens to be a catgirl (because, Japan), which has earned her the derisive nickname of “Grimalkin” from Hakumen. He doesn’t seem to hate any of the other cat-people in the game though, so at least he’s not a racist.

kokonoe

I should point out that Kokonoe has a split tail, technically making her a nekomata: a Japanese mythological creature that’s essentially a house cat that’s lived for a very long time. So, maybe she’s older than she looks.

Happy Easter

As a kid, the whole Easter Bunny thing never made sense to me, because rabbits clearly don’t lay eggs. As I grew older, their roles as symbols of fertility became clearer, which tie strongly into Easter’s pre-Christian roots, so it started to make more sense. But in the spirit of my youthful confusion, here’s a word that references a completely different nonsensical belief regarding what hatches from what.

anatiferous, adj. – Producing ducks or geese.

Learned from: Skullgirls (PS3, Android, iOS, PC, PS4, Switch, XBox 360, XBox One)

Developed by Reverge Labs

Published by Autumn Games, Konami (2012)

Skullgirls has the distinction of being one of the quirkiest fighting games I’ve ever played, from its character designs, to its old-timey theater aesthetic, to the fact that every combo has an associated descriptor. For example, a 7-hit combo is “Lucky,” while an 18-hit combo is “Barely Legal,” and so on. For some reason, a 32-hit combo is “Anatiferous.” It’s inexplicable in the game, and even the history of the word fails to shed any light on the reasons why it’s there.

See, at one point in time, it was believed that barnacle geese hatched from barnacles on the sides of ships. As if that weren’t weird enough, people somehow got the notion that the barnacles themselves grew on trees, and dropped off into the water, before floating over to ships and attaching themselves. Because geese hatching from barnacles hanging from trees would just be silly. I marvel at what kind of worldview must have prevailed at that time, to not only come up with this idea, but to somehow make it stick.

barnacle_goose

Even the goose is unimpressed by its origin story.