Baby’s first dictatorship

It’s been a weird week when it comes to entertainment. The Late Show with Stephen Colbert got cancelled for “financial reasons,” which is a weird way of spelling “fear of retribution from a petty tyrant.” But then, mere days later, the same company renewed South Park for several seasons, and the first thing the creators did was spend an entire episode mercilessly mocking the toddler-king. It’s good to see Trey Parker and Matt Stone haven’t lost their edge, but it did make me nostalgic for simpler times when the show could just be silly jokes about anal probes and World of Warcraft; or even further back, to when I didn’t even know what fascism was. Which brings us to today’s word.

nazi, noun – a member of Germany’s National Socialist German Workers’ Party

Learned from: Into the Eagle’s Nest (Apple II, Amiga, Amstrad CPC, Atari ST, Commodore 64, PC, ZX Spectrum)

Developed by Pandora

Published by Pandora, Mindscape, Atari Corporation (1987)

A note to kick things off: I know that the word is supposed to be capitalized, but I’m taking a page from the excellent tabletop RPG about vampires sent to kill Hitler, Eat the Reich, and refusing to give it that dignity.

With that out of the way, I was probably too young to really appreciate Into the Eagle’s Nest, when 7- or 8-year-old me plucked it off the shelf. I’d heard of WWII, at some point I’m sure, but that had been like, 40 years ago by that point, practically ancient history. Certainly something that was over and done with, and that couldn’t possibly end up being relevant in contemporary society. No, instead I saw screenshots on the back of the box that looked kinda like Gauntlet–but the guy on the front had a gun! And he was about to storm a castle, of all things! I didn’t really know what nazis were, but from the art, I went in expecting a weird fantasy/modern mashup, where a lone soldier had to save his squadmates from a Medieval castle crawling with enemy soldiers, sure–but also maybe monsters? It was a castle, after all.

Needless to say, young me was disappointed when, instead of the action-packed combat of Gauntlet, I instead found myself with my first introduction to the stealth genre. This was a slower, more methodical rescue mission that I…really didn’t know what to make of at the time. It didn’t help that the graphics on the Apple II left a lot of ambiguity as to just what it was you were looking at sometimes. Sure, long tables and crates of guns are pretty straightforward, but what about the featureless squares? Looking back after all these years, they might’ve been sandbags, but who knows. Or the green circles? Barrels, maybe? But while I seem to remember you could break them, I don’t think they exploded in classic video game fashion, so, who can say?

Suffice it to say, the presentation, and the gameplay style combined to make a frustrating and underwhelming experience that I never really went back to after I was old enough to possibly appreciate it. These days, I don’t even think it’s available on GoG, so it would be hard to revisit, even if I wanted to. And honestly? I think there’s enough wannabe-nazi bullshit going on in real life to make the prospect seem depressingly relevant.

I mean, look at this cover–dude looks like he’s about to kick down a drawbridge and shoot Dracula in the face or something!

Blast from the past

Growing up in the ’80s, I was too young to fully comprehend the horrors of impending nuclear annihilation. Granted, those were the last years of the Cold War, and it ended when I was eight years old, but still, my main takeaway at the time was that the Soviet Union was bad…except, someone from there made Tetris, so they couldn’t be all bad. And once the USSR dissolved, I kinda just went on with life, dimly aware that something potentially terrible had been averted.

Fast forward 30 years, and we’ve got the Russians invading Ukraine, and Vladimir Putin implicitly threatening to make this go nuclear. There’s no ambiguity about this in my mind, anymore. Which brings us to today’s word.

megalomania, noun – an obsession with obtaining power, wealth, or importance

Learned from: Tyrants: Fight Through Time (Sega Genesis, Amiga, Atari ST, Super Nintendo, PC)

Developed by Sensible Software

Published by Virgin Interactive Entertainment (Image Works for the original version, 1991)

I didn’t exactly learn this word from playing Tyrants, but rather from an ad in an old gaming magazine. Similar to Odium being called Gorky 17 in other regions of the world, Tyrants was known overseas as Mega-lo-mania. Both titles fit for a variety of reasons.

Tyrants/Mega-lo-mania was an early real-time strategy game, where you play as one of four gods, differentiated only by their portrait and color palette, with the task of defeating the other three on a variety of islands. You do this by influencing your followers to develop increasingly sophisticated weapons and defenses through a variety of technological eras, from stone axes up to ballistic missiles. While simple by conventional standards, the game featured a surprisingly large tech tree that could even lead you to developmental dead ends, depending on what you decided to research. It also featured some pretty braindead AI, to the point where if you were really backed into a corner, you could just keep spamming the “form alliance” button at the god attacking you, until the RNG would eventually make him give in. If only we could do that in real conflicts…

Toss a coin to your teller

Hello, all. During the time I’ve been gone, I’ve been pretty consistently burnt out from the never-ending cycle of training in new tellers at work. We’d get close to full capacity, and then someone else would put in their two weeks’ notice; at this point, two thirds of the staff hasn’t even been there for three months. I’d say this long, excruciating ordeal was finally over…but yet another one (who hasn’t even been on staff for a month), has announced he’s moving to Idaho, to become a potato farmer. Or whatever other non-stereotypical things people in Idaho actually do. This constant shuffle has been exhausting, so I haven’t had much energy at the end of the day for gaming, or updating this blog, or much of anything. What I have had the time for, is reading. Which finally brings us to today’s word.

drachma, noun – ancient Greek currency

Learned from: Age of Adventure (Apple II, Atari, Commodore 64)

Developed by Stuart Smith

Published by Electronic Arts (1983)

One of the books I’ve read over the past several months was an absolutely wonderful history of computer RPGs, aptly titled The CRPG Book. In paging through the early parts of the book, I stumbled across one with graphics I swore I recognized, but a title that was unfamiliar (including screenshots of the inventory, with the word “drachmae,” the plural of drachma). But I was sure I’d played this…so I went digging.

Since Bitmap Books, the publisher of The CRPG Book is based in the UK, they used the title this game had, seemingly everywhere else outside of the US: The Return of Heracles (because I guess EA figured American kids are too flat-out ignorant to have known who Heracles was). And to be fair, when I was six or seven, or however old I was when I asked my parents to buy me this game, I was more familiar with Hercules. But its original title is far more interesting than the generic one we got over here. It’s like calling a game “Story of Excitement,” or “Time for Fun.”

Anyway, as you’ve probably guessed, Age of Adventure/The Return of Heracles is all about Greek mythology and history, letting you play as characters ranging from Odysseus to Achilles, to Hippolyta. I guess you could technically call it an edutainment title, but the RPG gameplay was surprisingly solid for a game whose purpose was to teach you things. I’m not sure if I ever beat all of the characters’ scenarios (there were 19 of them, according to the game’s entry in the book), but I did walk away with a greater knowledge of Greek myths and legends, so I consider that a win.

Even the cover is generic. This says less “Greek mythology,” and more “Sylvester Stallone’s arm wrestling movie, *Over the Top*, if it were about pirates.”

The new normal

Don’t worry, this isn’t going to be a post all about COVID. At least, not directly. Over the past few months, the company I work for has bled off no fewer than seven employees. We aren’t large, so this has really hurt. And because there’s a labor shortage in the US right now (the exact reasons why are a subject for another time), every place is hiring. That means we’ve had a ridiculously hard time getting people to apply–and if they do apply, most of them only stick around for a month or so before leaving to look for something less stressful. “Normal” this year has become an endless cycle of working extra hours because we’re so short-staffed, leading to a more stressful environment among those of us who have stuck around, and the new employees we do get pick up on that, and don’t want to stay, leading to more long hours, and more stress, and…

I miss the old normal. Which brings us to today’s word.

mundane, adj. – normal, ordinary, commonplace

Learned from: The Immortal (Apple IIGS, Amiga, Atari ST, Genesis, NES, PC, Nintendo Switch)

Developed by Will Harvey

Published by Electronic Arts (1990)

The Immortal was an odd, but memorable game. Part-adventure game, part-light RPG, it put you in the shoes of a rather old wizard, trying to find his mentor somewhere in a sprawling labyrinth. It sounds pretty straightforward (aside from the protagonist older than 30–how often do you see something like that, these days?), but the game was anything but. Your adventure was chock-full of clever puzzles to solve (or bash your head against), traps to avoid (or blunder into), monsters to fight (or sneak by, or even befriend), and spells to cast–even spells as “mundane” as fireballs, according to the manual.

The world usually felt threatening, sometimes alien (the will-o’-the-wisps stand out in my memory), and always lived-in. Even despite the clunky controls, and some would say unfair difficulty (how was I supposed to know that chest was full of spiders, ahead of time?!), I still have very fond recollections of my time with The Immortal. Despite the bland initial setup, the game is anything but mundane.

Believe it or not, EA publishing good, inventive games also used to be normal.

The loss of a legend

I’m only going to be paying lip service to the game in question, today, because the real focus is something much more important. Even with us being down to about 60% staff at work, and all the extra hours and stress that’ve resulted, the news that broke last night was something I couldn’t let pass without comment. Kentaro Miura, the author and artist of Berserk, one of the best dark fantasy series ever written, died earlier this month. As far as I can tell, the news was only made public yesterday (or, today technically, since Japan’s in a different time zone). This post won’t be a tribute to the man, directly (since I didn’t learn any words from the Berserk game on the Dreamcast), but it’s the only way I could think of to talk about him while still being relevant to the purpose of this blog.

berserk, adj. – frenzied, uncontrollable

Learned from: Berzerk (Atari 2600, Arcade, Atari 5200, Vectrex)

Developed by Stern Electronics

Published by Stern Electronics, Atari, Vectrex (1980)

Berzerk with a Z was very much a “survive as long as you can and get the high score” style of game. There was no end, or any real story as far as I know–just room after randomly-generated room of killer robots that you had to shoot.

Berserk with an S has nothing in common with the above…except, I guess now it also has no end…. I avoided this manga for the longest time, because what little I’d seen of the first anime adaptation suggested that it was about a band of mercenaries fighting in various wars: a magic-less, fairly realistic medieval fantasy series (except for the one monster that was an inexplicably unkillable minotaur). I generally prefer my fantasy with more inhuman creatures, magic, and stories about more than just dudes in armor. And the fact that the Dreamcast game I mentioned centered around plant monsters just muddied the waters, because the anime had nothing like that, and a friend at the time said it was an unrelated side story. My first impressions were that Berserk was a series with no real identity, as a result.

I discovered years later that I’d done both the series and its author a tremendous disservice. There is a lot of human drama in Berserk, and in the pages of the manga, it’s poignantly heartfelt and sincere. To the point where I cried at certain spots. And I couldn’t have been more wrong in my assumptions about the magic and the monsters; some of these demons look like if Lovecraft and Bosch had a baby.

I…realize I’m on the verge of rambling, but the emotions are still too raw right now to do much else. Berserk is a manga that’s been in the works for decades, and the story Miura wanted to tell will now forever remain unfinished. He was only 54 years old, and his death truly is a loss for the world. Even if you’ve never heard of Berserk before today, I can guarantee you’ve felt its influence: The oppressive, hostile worlds of the Dark Souls series. Cloud’s gigantic sword in Final Fantasy VII. The whole “one hero against hordes of enemies” idea that’s at the core of Dynasty Warriors. Hell, Sam Sykes’ fantasy novels are practically just reskins of Berserk when you get down to it (they’re still good, though). And on, and on. Miura created something special with Berserk, and his legacy will continue long into the future. The next time you see a character wielding a sword so absurdly large that it’s more “like a hunk of iron,” or a band of mercenaries who keep running up against impossible odds, or a fantasy world where life is cheap, but true friendship is the most precious thing there is…remember Berserk. And if you haven’t read it yet, I cannot recommend it highly enough. So long as you’re not squeamish, that is. Nothing is really off-limits in this series, but it’s all part of the journey. And, as with all the best journeys, this one will have to be more about the path, than the ultimate destination.

I know this is the image a lot of people are using, but it honestly works so well…

Actions need to have consequences.

I’m not sure how funny this post is going to be, but I’m writing it for several reasons. First, because of the reprehensible and sadly unsurprising siege that was laid to the Capitol Building in Washington D.C., today. I’ve been unable to concentrate on anything else, as democracy in my country nearly came apart entirely at the seams. I need to focus on something else, but I also need to vent some of the maelstrom of emotions I’m feeling right now. Which brings us to tonight’s word.

imprison, verb – to confine or jail

Learned from: Archon II: Adept (Apple II, Amiga, Amstrad CPC, Atari 8-bit, Commodore 64, ZX Spectrum)

Developed by Free Fall Associates

Published by Electronic Arts (1984)

I know that you might be thinking this word seems unlikely, as it’s a simple derivation from “prison.” But I was maybe five years old when I first played Archon II; I knew what a prison was, but I’d never heard “imprison” until seeing the spell here, that immobilized an enemy unit.

That’s about all I can muster for backstory right now, because current events are so much more pressing. Thousands of rioters descended upon one of the most iconic government buildings in my country this afternoon. And by and large, the police just let them. I can understand this at the onset, to some extent: While it’s absurd that there wasn’t a larger security presence, the fact is that the police who were there, were vastly outnumbered. It’s the fact that they more or less just…let these criminals just walk out and go wherever, rather than making any concerted effort to make arrests–that is what has me angriest.

There need to be consequences for this, for as many people involved as possible. If authorities aren’t going through the abundant footage of this, seeking to identify and prosecute as many rioters as they can, then this situation is even worse than it seems. Because it implies a tacit approval for actions like this, and I don’t know how things can move forward, if that’s really how things are.

Even a cold can be good for something

As the title suggests, I’m sick right now. Have been, for about half a week or so, with a very irritating head cold. It started with my throat hurting, and my voice dropping an octave, then only coming out as a croaky whisper, like a mummy that just woke up after a millennium-long nap in the desert sun. It’s since migrated (somewhat) from my throat to my nose, and if you compressed all the tissues I’ve used back into solid wood, you could probably build, if not a house, then at least a garden shed. All of which brings us to today’s word.

phlegm, noun – The buildup of thick mucous in the respiratory passages.

Learned from: Xenophobe (Atari 7800, Amiga, Amstrad CPC, Arcade, Atari 2600, Atari ST, Commodore 64, Lynx, NES, ZX Spectrum)

Developed by Bally Midway

Published by Bally Midway (1987)

Xenophobe was, at its heart, a ripoff of Aliens. It’s a side-scrolling action game, where you have to travel from space station to space station, clearing each one of an alien infestation before the self-destruct sequence counts down. All in all, it’s a decently fun game, with a good variety of weapons and monsters–from little ones that just crawl along, to ones that roll into balls, to the big ones that spit phlegm at you from a distance.

I know it was phlegm and not acid, because the instruction manual (remember those?) said so. As a kid of about seven or eight, I of course knew the term “snot,” but I knew “mucous” as well; phlegm was new to me, though. So much so, that I thought this weird amalgamation of letters was a typo (which weren’t really uncommon in manuals at the time). So, I asked my father–pronouncing the word wrong, I’m sure–and boom, I had a new entry in my burgeoning vocabulary. As well as a hilarious mental image of a hulking alien beast killing your character by covering them in snot. (Hilarious to seven-year-old me, at least.)

Fun fact: Xenophobe also taught me a bit of the Greek alphabet, as each station was Alpha, Beta, Gamma, etc. I won’t be including those as entries here, since they’re just letters, not full-fledged words, but I think it’s neat that this simple run & gun shooter taught me so many varied things.

xenophobe

Hideous alien hellbeasts–you know, for kids!