D&D – Brain Rot

I considered several titles for this post, including “ain’t no mountain high enough,” and simply, “you shall not pass!” but ultimately went with this one because out of all the bizarre assortment of monsters in this game, Balrogs aren’t one of them. Which brings us to today’s word.

impassable, adj. – unable to be traversed

Learned from: Advanced Dungeons & Dragons: Cloudy Mountain (Intellivision)

Developed by Mattel Electronics

Published by Mattel Electronics (1982)

I have to confess something here: I’ve never actually played this game. I had the other D&D game for the Intellivision, Treasure of Tarmin, but when I got the system from one of my cousins, it somehow came with the instruction manual for this game, but not the game, itself. But I sunk countless hours in to Tarmin, and I always wondered what this mysterious other game would be like to play, as I would occasionally look through the manual and dream.

Cloudy Mountain put you in charge of a team of three identical adventurers, armed only with a bow & arrow, sent on a quest to find and reunite two halves of a lost crown atop the eponymous mountain. Standing in your way was a menagerie of monsters that went from 0 to 60 (or from rat to demon) with seemingly nothing in between. I don’t know how evenly dispersed these beasts were, but the idea of fighting spiders and snakes, only to turn a corner and find a dragon or an unkillable slime seemed absurd–but also exciting–to my five- or six-year-old imagination.

But it wasn’t just things that wanted to kill you that were keeping you from your quest; various environmental obstacles barred your path. On the (presumably) randomized overworld map, there were forests you could only cut through with an ax, rivers you could only cross by boat, and color-coded mountains that either had caves or were impassable (black and brown, respectively).

I’m aware that I’ve had ample opportunity to download a ROM of this game, and finally experience it after all these years…but I know it could probably never live up to the experience I dreamt up in my imagination decades ago. Plus, the Intellivision controller looked like an old-school phone receiver with a paddle on the bottom of it, and I really don’t know how you’d effectively replicate that on modern hardware. (A numeric keypad, sure, but for the analog paddle it almost seems like you’d need a Joycon or something in your other hand.)

I’m sure it doesn’t look like much to daydream about, but as a small child, I imagined a story in every one of those mountains.

Hey, it’s been awhile. Sorry about that. Life’s been kind of crazy lately, but what happened last night really takes the cake. I’m not going to make this post overly political, but it’s undeniable that in the aftermath of the 2024 US election cycle, a lot of people are feeling lost, angry, scared, confused, etc. It really does seem that our political system is fully off the rails, and in times like that, I think the only thing any of us can do is refocus. Concentrate on yourself, and the people closest to you: your friends, family, neighbors, and try to do what you can to make their lives better, as well as your own. In this case, I count whatever small audience I have for this blog as part of that–and neither education nor entertainment are ever a bad thing. If nothing else, it’s a lot better than getting swept up in an endless wave of negativity.

And, in a very tangential way, that brings us to today’s word.

pool, verb – to aggregate things into a common supply

Learned from: Advanced Dungeons & Dragons: Champions of Krynn (Apple II, Amiga, Commodore 64, PC)

Developed by Strategic Simulations, Inc.

Published by Strategic Simulations, Inc. (1990)

Champions of Krynn played by old school, 2nd Edition D&D rules, where a lower armor class was a better armor class, you had to visit a trainer/mentor to level up, and I’m pretty sure they included encumbrance, where carrying too much incurred severe penalties. This, if memory serves, included money. Because metal coins get pretty heavy after awhile.

Enter the pool option, after combat. Selecting this would combine all the various bits of copper, silver, gold, etc. dropped by enemies into one big pile, which you could then disperse to your individual party members as you saw fit, without having to do quite so much math.

Small concessions like that, automatically assigning XP, and calculating THAC0 for you made the game somewhat more accessible for a seven-year-old than the tabletop version, but it was still a pretty dense game. I don’t think I ever did beat it, but it was still my first real introduction to the hobby of tabletop roleplaying games–a hobby which I hold near and dear to my heart to this day.

And on that note, if you’re struggling with current events, there might be no better time to try out the hobby for yourself and your friends. If fantasy isn’t your thing, there are systems out there that tackle sci-fi, horror, the wild west (with or without zombies and such), or even where you play as a crack team of vampire commandos on a mission to drain Hitler’s blood during WWII. If this world sucks, there’s nothing wrong with finding solace in another one.

Tag: D&D

Balrogs not included

Come together