You zagged when you should have zigged

I’m reading a book right now about how a lot of the discoveries and inventions in math and science that are traditionally attributed to the ancient Greeks might very well have actually come from other parts of the world. It’s thought-provoking stuff, and the book’s called Lost Discoveries by Dick Teresi, if you’re curious. But I’m on a section about Mesopotamia right now which brought to mind today’s word.

ziggurat, noun – a stepped pyramid

Learned from: Quake (PC, Playstation 4, Playstation 5, Nintendo Switch, XBox One, XBox Series X/S)

Developed by id Software (Nightdive Studios for the PS4/5, Switch, and XBox One/ Series X/S)

Published by GT Interactive (1996, 2021 for modern consoles)

Quake was a game I took awhile to get any good at, namely because it was the first first-person shooter that let you look up and down. Doom and its clones never gave you that option, and at the time, I went through at least two different control schemes before landing on the now-standard keyboard & mouse. It was new territory, and I’d always played other FPSes with just a keyboard–were you supposed to bind a couple keys to look up and down? Or was there a way to somehow translate all the inputs to a joystick? (It worked for Descent.) It seems laughable to say it now, but using a mouse for looking around didn’t even seem intuitive at the time. And I barely had access to the Internet back then, so I couldn’t just Google (or Lycos, or Altavista) “how the hell do you aim in Quake?”.

As such, my early forays into Quake were…frustrating, to say the least. If you’re a PC gamer, and you think aiming on a controller is bad, imagine trying to do a rocket jump by hitting K to look down while in the air, then smacking Ctrl and the space bar at just the right time, to get it to work, and then adjusting your aim back up with I, and trying to see where you’d land. Now, imagine trying to do anything with that kind of control scheme in a secret level with about 1/4 gravity.

That was the Ziggurat Vertigo, a hidden level built around, you guessed it, a pyramid. Even a regular jump would send you soaring a good distance up the central structure, and having any idea where you’d come down using just a keyboard to look was damn near impossible. And when most of the area that isn’t pyramid is submerged in lava, well…you can guess how that went. I loved the idea of a level that messed with something as basic as gravity (Again, these were the early days of FPS games. I remember finding a fan patch later on that actually made water transparent, and it blew my mind!), but man was it an infuriating experience until I discovered the magic of mouse-aiming.

Okay, I swear this thing was taller when I played this as a teenager; a jump may have actually carried you all the way over the top. Also, the damn thing isn’t even stepped! False advertising!

Nailed it

It was very slow at work today, and the topic of conversation got around to a box of nails that had been strewn across a busy roundabout on the edge of town. It’s not clear whether it was scattered maliciously, or fell out of a truck bed, or what, but the ice on the roads this time of year is bad enough without throwing sharp metal hazards into the mix. Which brings us to today’s word.

caltrop, noun – a sharp, metal instrument designed to cause injury and/or impede movement

Learned from: Team Fortress Classic (PC, Mac)

Developed by Valve

Published by Sierra Studios (1999)

Believe it or not, back before Valve just ran the world’s most successful digital games distribution platform, they actually made games, themselves. Pepperidge Farm remembers. Though I guess I can’t really make that joke for much longer, considering they’ve had Deadlock in development for awhile now.

Anyway, Team Fortress Classic was a mod for Half-Life, based on a mod for the original Quake. But it was developed in-house, back when teams would make more content for games that weren’t called No Man’s Sky, and distribute them for free to people who’d already bought the base product. Pepperidge Farms remembers that, too.

You’re probably more familiar with the standalone sequel, Team Fortress 2, but TFC was a beacon of creativity in an FPS multiplayer landscape that was almost entirely variants of standard deathmatch modes at the time. The game was entirely based on one team vs another, and had a variety of objectives depending on the map. It might be capture the flag, or defending an area, or even one team escorting a (mostly) defenseless third party across the map, while the other team tried to assassinate them. You might be trying to fight your way to a safe room and flood the map with poison gas, or initiate (or prevent!) a nuclear missile launch. Fantastic stuff, when most alternatives were just shooting other players with rockets.

And man, did the game emphasize teamwork, because there were 9 character classes you could choose from. Engineers who built turrets and provided armor, spies who could look like enemy players, medics who fared about as well as healers ever do in multiplayer games–team composition really mattered. And then there were the scouts, who moved faster, and had their grenades replaced with caltrops, to try and control the movement of the enemy team. I have a lot of fond memories of the innumerable hours I sunk into this game over my parents’ dial-up connection.

Believe me, this looked a lot more impressive in 1999…

Rude awakening

For awhile, my cat had a habit of poking around in my closet at night when she got bored. There’s no door on it, just a curtain that she can easily get through, and she sometimes makes a lot of noise, messing around with the stuff I have stashed there. So, I recently stacked some boxes in front, to keep her out, which worked…for awhile. The other night, she somehow clambered her way over them, and woke me up. I get up, turn on the light in there, and as soon as she saw me, she seemed to know she’d done something wrong and tried to get out…and got stuck between one of the boxes and the doorframe. When I reached over to shift the box, she panicked, and in her flailing of paws, she tore several large gashes in my leg. Which brings us to today’s word.

laceration, noun – a rough cut or tear with ragged edges

Learned from: Half-Life (PC, Mac, Playstation 2)

Developed by Valve

Published by Sierra Studios (1998, PS2 version in 2001)

Remember back when Valve made games? Pepperidge Farms remembers. And honestly, Half-Life and Diablo were the main titles that got me into PC gaming back in the ’90s. While the roguelike nature of Diablo scratched my itch for fantasy, Half-Life just looked so much better than anything else in its genre. I’d played Wolfenstein 3D a little at a friend’s house, and Doom on my 32X (arguably the worst way to play it, since it wasn’t even the whole game), and they were fun, but Half-Life looked to be doing something different; it actually wanted to tell a story, with characters, and set pieces, and weapons located in places that made sense, rather than just floating around in the air.

I devoured every article and preview of this game I could get my hands on, leading up to its release, and when I finally got my hands on it, I wasn’t disappointed. From the opening, in-game credit sequence, to the unfortunate amount of platforming during the climax in Xen, I was engaged, making my way through hallways filled with hostile soldiers and three-armed aliens that shoot lightning. And all the while, my constant companion was the voice in my HEV (Hazardous Environment) suit, giving me constant updates on just how badly beaten up I was, from suffering minor lacerations to being dosed with high levels of radiation. Sure, in the end it all added up to how much health I had left, but it felt so much more immersive.

And after that early morning run-in with my cat, I can confidently say she’d give any headcrab zombie a run for its money.

This is Anji. Don’t let her coyness fool you; she is sharp.

Enough to make you sick

The weather here has been…weird, lately. It’s the middle of June, and temperatures have been in the 50s (Fahrenheit)…except when they’re in the 80s or 90s. Sometimes back and forth within the span of a few days. Those kinds of swings are a shock to the system, and prime conditions for people to fall ill…which makes today’s word fitting on a variety of levels.

emesis, noun – the act of vomiting

Learned from: System Shock (PC, Mac, Playstation 5, XBox Series X/S)

Developed by LookingGlass Technologies (original), Nightdive Studios (remake)

Published by Origin Systems (original, 1994), Prime Matter (remake, 2023)

The original System Shock is a game I never got the chance to play, growing up, but over the years I’d heard nothing but acclaim for it. Being the inspiration for everything from the Bioshock games, to Prey, to Dead Space (or so I’ve heard), it sounded like a hugely influential piece of gaming history that I’d missed out on. So when I heard there was a remake in the works, I was very intrigued, to say the least.

I’m not very far into it yet, but I’m already enjoying the heck out of this cyberpunk nightmare scenario, odd visual style aside. You’re cast in the role of a hacker who gets busted for stealing the schematics for a military-grade implant. A representative of the company you burgled recognizes your skill, and offers to cut you a deal: he’ll give you the implant, your freedom, and scrub your record clean. And all you have to do is head up to a company space station, and disable the ethical safeguards on SHODAN, the AI that’s running the place. What could go wrong?*

To his credit, the company rep does keep his end of the bargain. But you wake up from your surgery sometime later, to find the station…well, let’s just say in a very, very bad state. And initially, after scrounging around the various stethoscopes and emesis basins scattered around the medbay, you find a lead pipe to defend yourself with, as you venture into the bowels of the station to try and figure out how to fix the horrible thing you’ve done–or at least, survive.

As I said, I’m only near the beginning so far, but the setup is fantastic, and the gameplay, while more complex than your average shooter, is fun. I can see why it’s regarded as a classic.

*You could end up creating GLaDOS’s meaner, crazier ancestor, that’s what.

You should know this; you’ve been to court

The meetings we have at work are almost universally useless. This wouldn’t be so bad, if they didn’t occur first thing in the morning, before we even open for business. But every so often, something catches my ear, such as today, when one of my bosses didn’t know what the word “litigious” meant.

I work for very stable geniuses. But it does bring us to today’s word.

litigation, noun – the process of bringing legal action against an entity

Learned from: Descent II (PC, Mac, Playstation)

Developed by Parallax Software

Published by Interplay Productions (1996)

I played a bit of Doom and Quake, back in the day, but I was primarily a Descent guy. Sure, it pretty much required a joystick, and multiplayer was a pain and a half to set up, but not being bound by gravity was such a novel experience. And when you did get a multiplayer match going, it allowed for a ton of strategic gameplay, especially when you factored in the impressive variety of weapons at your disposal.

Descent II was the best entry in the series, by far, even if it had the weakest story. Not that “there are berserk robots in this mining colony; go destroy them” was Pulitzer material in the first game, mind you. But the sequel starts with your employer saying essentially, “Hey, you’re still under contract. Go kill these other murderous robots, or we’ll sue you.” At the time, I had no idea what litigation was, but when I looked it up, I realized that these games are really set in a pretty dystopian future–yeah, you just saved company property, but get your nose back to the grindstone and keep risking your life if you don’t want to be penniless and/or in jail. I didn’t dwell on it too much, because the gameplay was so fun, but a part of my 13-year-old brain still realized this was a pretty crappy situation for your character to be in.

My copy didn’t come bundled with 100 free hours of AOL. That would’ve saved my parents like, $50, probably. The early Internet was a a nightmare, kids.

Creepy stuff knows no season

I know Halloween was awhile ago, but recently on my way to work, I walked through a scene straight out of a horror movie. But first, today’s word.

eviscerate, verb – to disembowel; to remove the entrails

Learned from: Quake (PC, Mac, Nintendo 64, Sega Saturn, mobile)

Developed by id Software (PC), Lobotomy Software (Saturn), Midway Games (N64)

Published by GT Interactive (PC), MacSoft (Mac), Sega (Saturn), Midway Games (N64) (1996)

Quake had a lot of personality, from the Lovecraftian overtones, to the goading messages taunting you whenever you went to quit the game, to the death messages unique for every monster that could kill you. The most memorable one for me was, “You’ve been eviscerated by a fiend.”

At the time, the graphics were pretty much first-generation 3D. Character models were blocky, animations were stiff and jerky, and blood was just a spray of square red pixels. Obviously, they couldn’t effectively display every unique death with the technology of the time, but flavor text like this really lent a vivid level of detail as to exactly what happened to your character…and now, to continue the story.

So, I pass by a cemetery on my way to work, which is enclosed by a wrought-iron fence. I’m going along like normal, until something catches my eye along the fence: a beachball-sized area of the fence itself, where it looked like something had been either pulverized against the side of the fence, or else staked on the spikes at the top. The main area was a bloody mess, with bits of hair and actual flesh still clinging to the posts. It had dripped down the fence, to a patch of grass the size of a coffee table–I should clarify, it had soaked a patch of grass the size of a coffee table. And as I followed it off the grass, I realized I was standing in a smear of blood that trailed all the way down the hill, occasionally meandering to the edge of the sidewalk and pooling. As if whatever it was had dragged itself as far as it could, before stopping periodically to regain a bit of strength, before forcing itself onward.

It was too late in the year to be a Halloween prank, and there was far too much blood for it to have been a bird that flew into the fence or something (and again, hair, not feathers was sticking to the metal). At the time, I was at a complete loss, but rather freaked out; after some consideration, the best explanation I have, is that a deer tried to jump the fence, and didn’t make it…yet managed to tear itself off the spikes, and continue on its way…which is pretty horrifying, in and of itself.

Quake seems downright tame, by comparison.

04a-fiend

Far less bloody than what I (literally) walked through.