Right back where we started

Well, as everyone and their grandmother knows, Hollow Knight: Silksong finally dropped this week. I haven’t started playing it yet, because there are other games that had release dates set for around this time (before the big announcement overshadowed everything), and I feel they deserve attention too. Currently, I’m playing Cronos: The New Dawn, but before that came out, I was actually playing another metroidvania that also released this year. And even though I haven’t played Team Cherry’s latest offering yet, I’m confident in saying this game is no Silksong. Which brings us to today’s word.

oloid, noun – a three-dimensional shape made by connecting two perpendicular circles joined at the center, with a curved surface

Learned from: Shadow Labyrinth (Nintendo Switch 1/2, PC, Playstation 5, XBox Series X/S)

Developed by Bandai Namco Studios

Published by Bandai Namco Entertainment (2025)

Around a year ago, Amazon decided to fund an anthology series based around video games, called Secret Level. The selection of games was…eclectic, to say the least, ranging from Mega Man, to Spelunky, to Unreal Tournament of all things, to some Chinese mobile game that was probably only on there because Tencent helped fund the show or something. And then there was the Pac-Man episode…

Certainly the most divisive (and arguably most interesting) of the offerings, this episode reimagined Pac-Man as a weird, grimdark, post-apocalyptic tale of manipulation and survival. It was truly bizarre, and to this day I still don’t know if I could call it a “good” episode or not, because it’s so definitively not Pac-Man. It’s like if they decided they wanted to make a gritty crime drama exploring the seedy underbelly of society focusing on prostitution and drug addiction, and decided to just call it Animal Crossing. So, imagine my surprise when I discovered this episode was actually a teaser for where Bandai Namco were planning to take the Pac-Man games, going forward.

Enter Shadow Labyrinth, which is somehow just as bizarre as the teaser, while simultaneously managing to be dull and unremarkable. The protagonist is still a nameless swordsman/clone(?); Pac-Man/Puck is still an untrustworthy little biomechanical horror; eating things to survive is still the focus…but it’s all wrapped up in a bland and at times nonsensical package.

It’s bland, because it really feels like a Flash game from the 2010s, with how the characters move (yet it somehow struggles to run on the Switch in handheld mode). Also, because some of the levels are way too long and same-y. Nobody needs to run through the same giant tree for that many hours, fighting the same unnamed tribesmen who rappel off of ropes from higher up over and over again.

It’s bizarre, because there’s some kind of interstellar war going on in the midst of all this, as told through epistolary format via “memories” you can collect of a character I don’t think I met during my time playing. Also, Shadow Labyrinth is I guess part of some kind of shared universe(?!) of games that Bandai Namco is trying to establish, what with a planet named Xevious, and references to other games later on. I stopped playing before I got beyond the Xevious part. Also before I got to any explanation of what the oloid is that shows up after you beat certain enemies. It seems important, and it probably gets explained later on, but the lore is so convoluted that I stopped caring. Maybe I’ll get back to it after I play Silksong, but I know it’ll feel even worse by comparison.

I figured it would probably be easier to show you one of these things, rather than try to describe it at length.

Small town businesses are weird

My wife and I are members at the local food co-op, largely because you never quite know what you’re going to find there. From locally-grown produce, to fair trade baskets from Africa, to Buddha’s Hand citrus fruits from…I don’t remember where. Anyway, walking through there is always an experience. Every so often though, you don’t even have to head there to get a little taste of the unexpected. Case in point, they’re having a “Cheese Madness” event right now, with samples and brackets where their top cheeses face off against one another, until only one is left, voted in as the ultimate cheese. I’m not sure why they chose cheese for their March Madness parody, but it does bring us to today’s word.

rennet, noun – an enzyme used in the making of cheese

Learned from: Bloodstained: Ritual of the Night (Playstation 4, mobile, PC, XBox One)

Developed by ArtPlay

Published by 505 Games, Netease (2019)

Bloodstained is Castlevania in everything but name–even to the point where it was produced by Koji Igurashi, one of the heavy-hitters behind the later Castlevania games. It’s got the atmosphere, the complex maps, the varied combat, but it also includes some subsystems that were absent from most if its inspiration: namely, crafting.

Gather up the right materials, and you can create things you’d expect, like new weapons and armor, but you can also cook food to use for healing and permanent stat boosts. If you’re particularly masochistic, you can try to recreate an increasingly complicated and vague series of recipes for an old lady who can barely remember her own name, let alone the food she used to enjoy. So she’ll say she wants to taste the “portable snack” she used to love, or something “fluffy,” or something as obtuse as a “novel idea.” She rewards you if you get it right, but some of the recipes in Bloodstained are a pain to put together. Some are simple, like using wheat to make dough, to make noodles. But say you want to make a pizza…well, you need that wheat to make the dough, but you also need tomatoes, whatever the toppings are, and milk and rennet to make cheese. But you can’t just have all the base ingredients in your possession; no, that would be too easy. Unless they’ve patched it out, you needed to make every intermediate component by hand, before you could get to the final product. The rewards were usually worth it, but getting there was an uphill battle sometimes.

Easter in quarantine

I’m not going to say “happy Easter,” because most of the things that people seem to like best about the holiday are things that they really shouldn’t be doing right now. If you’re having an egg hunt, I hope it’s indoors, or that you have a fenced lawn. Much as you miss your families, you really shouldn’t have them over for dinner. And if you’re smart, you’re not going to church, because if there are a bunch of people clustered together, the virus doesn’t care where they are. It’s understandable if this makes you feel sad, frustrated, or even guilty, but staying home and staying safe is objectively more important than putting yourself and others at risk, simply because tradition calls for it. And in a roundabout way, that brings us to today’s word.

biliary, adj. – of, or relating to the bile ducts or gall bladder

Learned from: Blasphemous (Nintendo Switch, PC, Playstation 4, XBox One)

Developed by The Game Kitchen

Published by Team17 (2019)

Blasphemous is essentially Catholic Guilt: The Video Game. It’s a 2D metroidvania full of quasi-religious imagery, where everything joyful is a sin, and if a person is suffering, that means they’re blessed. It’s twisted and grim, and a perfect example of a Kickstarter project done right. You play as the Penitent One in Silence (there are other Penitent Ones with different burdens they carry), as he tries to atone for whatever sins he’s committed, by slashing his way through an oppressive world suffused with twisted faith. Your sword is gradually piercing its way into your own flesh, you regularly anoint yourself with the blood of your foes, and your health items are biliary flasks (that admittedly look more like they’re filled with blood than bile).

In short, the game is metal. Less short, it’s a beautifully realized world, with great pixel art, plenty of secrets to find, and gameplay that’s a comfortable challenge. So if you’re stuck at home today, and looking for something new to play, consider giving this one a shot.

blasphemous

I could make a “he is risen” joke, but that’s low-hanging fruit. Also, bad grammar.