Hard to stomach

I recently got back from a weekend-long trip to visit some friends I haven’t seen in far too long. We watched terrible movies, played a bunch of board games, beat another escape room, and drank enough alcohol that by all rights, the weekend should have turned into the beginning of Disco Elysium, or maybe the old Neuromancer adventure game, at some point. Especially if you take into account that some of the booze was nearly an entire bottle of Malort. Which brings us to today’s word.

duodenum, noun – the part of the small intestine that connects to the stomach

Learned from: Earthworm Jim (Sega Genesis, Game Boy, Game Boy Advance, Game Gear, PC, Sega CD, Sega Master System, Super Nintendo)

Developed by Shiny Entertainment

Published by Playmates Interactive Entertainment (1994)

I feel like a lot of things in this post require some degree of explanation, so let’s get the worst one out of the way. If you aren’t…acquainted with Malort, it’s a liquor most closely-associated with the Chicago area, though you can find it anywhere these days. Because we live in the worst timeline. Malort tastes like what you’d get if someone bought a crate of grapefruits, stored them in a basement next to the furnace, and upon finding them again a year later, made the decision to ferment them in a bathtub that hasn’t been cleaned since the Bush administration.

It is vile, and for some reason, one of my friends brought a bottle, and offered to go shot-for-shot with anyone else who drank it. Somehow, nobody died. Or even puked, that I’m aware of.

Earthworm Jim is a character created by the artist, Doug TenNapel, and the game he stars in could only have come out in the era it did, when Ren & Stimpy was somehow normal, and all bets were off. It was also one of those games that varied drastically, depending on which system you played it on–to the extent that the Genesis version had an entire extra level, which I believe was the lair of Doc Duodenum.

When your main character is a regular earthworm who crawls into a discarded space suit that turns him sentient, bipedal, and buff, and whose kidnapped girlfriend is an ant princess (I think), having one of his enemies be a disembodied organ who is also a mad scientist doesn’t seem any…more…weird, I guess.

At the time though, the game stood out for its fantastic art style, smooth animations, and fun platforming, as much as its large cast of bizarre characters (Evil the Cat was always a personal favorite). I remember the sequel being a bit of a disappointment, but if you can track down the original today, it’s well-worth playing.

In my headcanon, Doc Duodenum is the inventor of Malort.

Just a light knuckle-dusting

Awhile back in my last post, I mentioned that I was heading off on a trip to Minneapolis. I did not, in fact, get arrested and shipped out to El Salvador or something–in fact, the trip went better than I would’ve ever expected. I saw one protest, and no actual ICE presence; it actually ended up being a pretty nice trip. No, the reason I haven’t posted in so long is because it’s winter in upper Michigan, and I have become a machine that moves snow and produces back aches.

I think we’re up to Snowmageddon Part VII for the year, which in most franchises means we’re long past going to space, and we might be Back to Da Hood, or possibly ready to Take Manhattan by my calculations. While it’s true the last couple years have spoiled us, this is still the worst winter I’ve seen in a very long time. The snow banks by my house are taller than I am. Side streets are frequently mired in enough snow that it’s like driving through the world’s worst milkshake, and sidewalks are largely non-existent. And in a roundabout way, this brings us to today’s word.

flurry, noun – a sudden burst of activity

Learned from: Streets of Rage 2 (Sega Genesis, arcade, Game Gear, Nintendo 3DS, Sega Master System)

Developed by Sega

Published by Sega (1992)

Up until playing this game, I’d only known a flurry as a light snowfall. You know, something gentle, peaceful, and almost calming to look at through the window when you’re nice and warm inside. I’d never known it could apply to a rapid succession of punches, kicks, and headbutts, until I read through the manual for Streets of Rage 2.

The series as a whole is a fantastic example of what the beat ’em up genre should be, but the second installment is largely regarded as the best in the franchise. More levels, more enemies, more characters, and a much, much larger move set that actually had differences between each protagonist. They all had similar inputs, but whereas one character’s flurry of blows might be a series of kicks, another might focus more on punches, or incorporate elbow strikes. And these different executions really did make the characters feel more distinct than the first game’s simple “speed, strength, jumping ability” distinctions. It’s still a fantastic game to this day, and well worth breaking out on an evening when a different kind of flurry has long since given way to blizzard conditions.

Your stupid minds! Stupid! Stupid!!

So, as you may know, today was Independence Day for those of us here in the United States. As you may also know, we…haven’t been doing the greatest at following simple instructions designed to keep ourselves alive. This combination brings us directly to today’s word.

lemming, noun – a small, Arctic rodent falsely made famous for the belief that they willingly run off of cliffs

Learned from: Lemmings (Genesis, Amiga, NES, Super Nintendo, Game Boy, Game Gear, Atari Lynx, Sega Master System)

Developed by DMA Design

Published by Psygnosis (1991)

Video game developers seem to have a fondness for unusual animals, from echidnas, to bandicoots, to lemmings. I probably wasn’t the only kid whose first exposure to some of these critters was through games featuring them.

Lemmings is a puzzle game. You’re tasked with safely guiding a bunch of the titular creatures (depicted as green-haired humanoids in blue robes for some reason), across a series of hazards, by assigning them different tasks. The lemmings, themselves, have no sense of self-preservation, and will walk blindly into lava pits, spikes, acid pools, and many, many other deadly fates. It isn’t an easy task, and the fact that I was playing the Genesis version (with very sluggish controls in a real-time game) only made it harder. Still, it’s considered a classic for good reason, because it is a lot of fun. Certainly more fun than…

lemmings

This is an image taken today from a local beach. Half of these people are probably tourists, which means it’s anyone’s guess how many people they came into contact with, across how many states, before they got here. The faces of anyone close enough to be identified have been replaced with something more fitting.