When you boil it down

If you’ve been on the Internet at all this week, I think it’s statistically impossible that you haven’t heard about the Oblivion remaster. I have mixed feelings on it, but the original did teach me some words, so let’s get that out of the way first.

alembic, noun – an obsolete device used in distillation

Learned from: Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion (PC, XBox 360, Playstation 3, Playstation 5, XBox Series X/S)

Developed by Bethesda Game Studios

Published by Bethesda Softworks (2006, 2025 for the remaster)

Alchemy can be a big part of Elder Scrolls games if you want it to be. You can start with stuffing random toadstools in your mouth, and end up with an entire collection of beakers and tubes to distill more potent tinctures.

There, I’ve got the word out of the way. Now I want to talk about this remaster, starting with the good: It’s more or less an entire remake from the ground up, and it looks fantastic…and it costs $50. In an age where Nintendo is selling remakes of 8 year old games for $80+, this game that’s old enough to vote looks better than the shinier versions of Zelda, undoubtedly took more work, and is selling for at least thirty bucks less. That’s admirable, and I think more people should be talking about it, because it’s selling like hotcakes and it blows Nintendo’s bullshit pricing out of the water.

Unfortunately…it’s selling like hotcakes. Look, the industry is positively drowning in remakes of games we’ve already played. And the hotcakes sales of Oblivion Remastered is only adding weight to that trend. Plus, there are other games coming out–including some very, very good ones this very week–from indie developers who could really use the sales.

Want another RPG? Clair Obscur: Expedition 33 has been incredible, just in the few hours I’ve gotten to play of it. Gorgeous world. Likeable and well-written characters. Engaging combat. Surprising emotional notes. Also $50.

Is horror more your jam? Post Trauma looks to be a decent stab at the Silent Hill formula, and came out the same damn day as Oblivion Remastered. I’ve seen no one talking about it–and yes it’s a different genre, but that doesn’t stop all the attention on the Internet from being on Oblivion. Oh, and it’s only $15, and I’m sure the developers would love to make another sale or two.

Hell, one of the creators behind Hundred Line: Last Defense Academy, a mix of visual novel and turn-based tactical RPG from the minds behind Danganronpa and Zero Escape, has reportedly sunk his life savings into this project. And here comes Oblivion Remastered to possibly drive him into poverty. This is the most expensive, at $60, but also potentially the most distinctive of the three I mentioned.

Look, I’m glad people are enjoying revisiting a game they grew up with, or discovering it for the first time, and I’d never tell them to stop having fun. But I really feel like I need to highlight that other games do exist, that actually have original concepts and fresh ideas. Just…look around at what else is out there? Please? Bethesda doesn’t need your money as much as some of these smaller developers.

Everything old is new again

Pixel graphics! ’80s references across all of popular media! The stock market crashing! Retro is in, baby, and it’s only a matter of time before 3D glasses make a comeback in movie theaters again…assuming theaters survive the streaming wars. But hey, paying way too much to go see a movie in dirty room full of loud people is totally retro too, so maybe there’s hope! Anyway, this all does lead us to today’s word.

anaglyph, noun – an image printed in two different colors overlayed across each other, to give the illusion of being in three dimensions when viewed through special glasses

Learned from: Balatro (PC, Mac, mobile, Playstation 4, Playstation 5, Nintendo Switch, XBox One, XBox Series X/S)

Developed by LocalThunk

Published by Playstack (2024)

Balatro, if you’ve been living under a rock for the past year, or you’re reading this in the future, is a deconstruction of the roguelike deckbuilding genre, where there are no monsters, no dungeons, no trips across the stars–just poker. Your cards are literal playing cards that can be modified in various ways to give more points, generate more money, trigger multiple times, generate other cards, etc. It’s a game that you really have to play to understand its appeal, but it’s simple, addictive, and worth every penny.

As you play and learn winning combos, Balatro offers you ways to up the challenge, from decks that are missing cards, to higher stakes runs that impose restrictions on what you can do. But the further you go, the more you unlock, and beating the game on the “black chip” difficulty unlocks the Anaglyph Deck, which gives you a free double tag whenever you beat the boss blind at the end of an ante. That probably doesn’t mean much if you haven’t played it, but it can be a useful bonus. If you’re lucky.

Once upon a time, these were *the* coolest thing. I swear.

Not quite eating crow…

In my neck of the woods, there’s a restaurant chain called Culver’s, famous for their “concrete mixers” (custard shakes), and burgers billed as “butter burgers.” Delicious, but probably even more horrible for you than your average fast food burger, which is saying something. That said, I always assumed that the chain was just named after someone–and it is. But it turns out “culver” is also an actual word, and now that I know what it means, I’ll never be able to look at the restaurant the same way again…

culver, noun – a dove or pigeon

Learned from: Elden Ring (PC, Playstation 4, Playstation 5, XBox One, XBox Series X/S)

Developed by FromSoftware

Published by Bandai Namco Entertainment (2022)

FromSoftware games are known for being punishingly difficult, but also pretty dang weird sometimes. Case in point: Rennala, one of the main bosses of Elden Ring. When you first face her, she’s floating in the air, surrounded by a horde of half-formed…daughters, I guess? And she’s cradling something in her arms, cooing at it and calling it her “little culver.” It’s hard to really make out just what it is at first, but the whole situation is a bit creepy.

Regardless, I now have the irrevocable connotation that there’s a fast food chain that’s essentially called “Pigeon’s.” And I want to note, I in no way mean this to imply that Culver’s serves burgers made from pigeon meat (AKA: squab, so you’re getting a two-fer, today!). It’s just an unfortunate, and kind of amusing coincidence that their name happens to have another meaning.

KFC, however, I have my doubts about. (Pardon the AI art)

Cryptic messages in the Lands Between

As I write this, Elden Ring‘s DLC, Shadow of the Erdtree, drops in a little over a month, so I figured I should really get back to Limgrave and sharpen my skills. And, you know, maybe actually beat the game. Which brings us to today’s word.

baldachin, noun – the cloth canopy above a throne, or carried above an important person

Learned from: Elden Ring (PC, Playstation 4, Playstation 5, XBox One, XBox Series S/X)

Developed by FromSoftware

Published by Bandai Namco Entertainment (2022)

Early in the game, you unlock an area called the Roundtable Hold which acts as a sort of hubworld populated by a diverse array of NPCs. And in true FromSoft fashion, most of them are…ambiguously helpful at best. One of the, Fia, is a woman who came to be bound to this place due to “circumstances.” She also offers hugs, claiming she’ll receive the warmth of a warrior in exchange for what is surely a “baldachin’s blessing.” Possible minor spoiler: Hugging her might not be an entirely good thing to do.

Otherwise, Fia is pretty innocuous, and seems a rather sad figure. Not that anybody in a FromSoft game ever comes across as terribly happy, but there’s a special melancholy to her. Curiously, she doesn’t seem to have anything resembling a baldachin in her room, which makes her initial claim even more confusing. But while there’s no canopy, she does have a mirror in her room that the player can use to change their appearance, so she’s got at least some accoutrements.

Please take me off your call list

I recently played through the first Dragon’s Dogma, in preparation for the sequel, and frankly, the game delighted me. Even with its massive amounts of janky moments, there was such an earnest heart behind it all, right down to a solid attempt at period-accurate Medieval dialogue. And I’m happy to say the sequel follows suit quite closely. Which brings us to today’s word.

roborant, noun – a tonic

Learned from: Dragon’s Dogma 2 (PC, Playstation 5, XBox Series X/S)

Developed by Capcom

Published by Capcom (2024)

Part of what I love about fantasy RPGs is that they so often unearth words that would have otherwise been lost to antiquity, and place them front and center before a modern audience. Even when the word in question somewhat confusingly sounds like slang that very same modern audience would have invented, themselves, perhaps around election season. Even though “roborant” only dates back to the 17th Century, and isn’t as period-specific as Capcom might have thought when deciding to use it, it’s still collected one hell of a lot of dust.

Here, it’s both a strong healing item, and the subject of an early quest involving a little girl who’s studying to become an apothecary, but she can’t afford a fruit roborant to further her studies. But, good ser, you are a hero, aren’t you? Mightn’t she impose upon your valiant sensibilities and kind heart, and ask you to procure one for her? Truly, what is a bit of coin, compared to furthering the education of the next generation of healers for her community?

I totally expected her to pick my pocket when I left to go pay for her school supplies. And no, I won’t spoil whether that happens or not.

Devious little reprobate, or budding credit to her community? You’ll have to find out for yourself.

Can you hear me now?

I had the day off today, and decided to use part of it to start one of the many, many Game of the Year contenders for 2023: Alan Wake II. And I didn’t even get into the game, proper, before it taught me a new word.

hyperacusis, noun – elevated sensitivity to sound, particularly environmental or background noise

Learned from: Alan Wake II (PC, Playstation 5, XBox Series X/S)

Developed by Remedy Entertainment

Published by Epic Games Publishing (2023)

I’d heard some cautionary tales about this games PC performance before picking it up, and it turns out there is some validity to those claims. It doesn’t run terribly, by any means, but I had to do more tweaking to get it at a decent, stable framerate than I did for other demanding games like, say, Returnal. But it was in poking around the options, that I stumbled across a toggle for a hyperacusis filter.

In the game, it seems primarily focused on reducing the amount of high-frequency background noises, like birdsong, that occur while you’re playing. So, in this instance, it seems like it’s less about reducing the amount of environmental noise as a whole, and more focused on high-pitched sounds. Either way, it’s nice to see this kind of accessibility option included, because I fully understand what it’s like to be bothered by certain types of sounds (in my case, it’s chewing noises).

I suppose I should talk a bit about the game, itself, even though I’m not terribly far yet. First things first, it would probably be a good idea to play the original Alan Wake before diving into this one. It might not hurt your experience too much, but the opening sequence involves a returning side character from the previous game, and you’d be missing a layer of the narrative by not having that past experience. Similarly, having a reference point to the town of Bright Falls, WA as it was, versus how it currently is in Alan Wake II will give you some insight that a new player might not have.

To explain, in the first game, Bright Falls was a less menacing version of Twin Peaks–there was something sinister going on in the background, sure, but the townsfolk, themselves, all seemed like genuinely okay people. If a bit odd. But in Alan Wake II? Something just feels…wrong in the town. It goes beyond some characters not fully recovering from what happened to them in the previous game, though that’s a factor too. But even in this early stage, walking through the town (as a new character, I might add: an FBI agent named Saga Anderson), I can’t shake the feeling that there’s a rot spreading just below the surface, and these people might not be the weird-but-trustworthy folks they once were. It’s a good start, and I look forward to seeing where it goes. High-pitched noises and all.

You can go in blind, but honestly the first game is still worth playing today, too.

Enough to make you sick

The weather here has been…weird, lately. It’s the middle of June, and temperatures have been in the 50s (Fahrenheit)…except when they’re in the 80s or 90s. Sometimes back and forth within the span of a few days. Those kinds of swings are a shock to the system, and prime conditions for people to fall ill…which makes today’s word fitting on a variety of levels.

emesis, noun – the act of vomiting

Learned from: System Shock (PC, Mac, Playstation 5, XBox Series X/S)

Developed by LookingGlass Technologies (original), Nightdive Studios (remake)

Published by Origin Systems (original, 1994), Prime Matter (remake, 2023)

The original System Shock is a game I never got the chance to play, growing up, but over the years I’d heard nothing but acclaim for it. Being the inspiration for everything from the Bioshock games, to Prey, to Dead Space (or so I’ve heard), it sounded like a hugely influential piece of gaming history that I’d missed out on. So when I heard there was a remake in the works, I was very intrigued, to say the least.

I’m not very far into it yet, but I’m already enjoying the heck out of this cyberpunk nightmare scenario, odd visual style aside. You’re cast in the role of a hacker who gets busted for stealing the schematics for a military-grade implant. A representative of the company you burgled recognizes your skill, and offers to cut you a deal: he’ll give you the implant, your freedom, and scrub your record clean. And all you have to do is head up to a company space station, and disable the ethical safeguards on SHODAN, the AI that’s running the place. What could go wrong?*

To his credit, the company rep does keep his end of the bargain. But you wake up from your surgery sometime later, to find the station…well, let’s just say in a very, very bad state. And initially, after scrounging around the various stethoscopes and emesis basins scattered around the medbay, you find a lead pipe to defend yourself with, as you venture into the bowels of the station to try and figure out how to fix the horrible thing you’ve done–or at least, survive.

As I said, I’m only near the beginning so far, but the setup is fantastic, and the gameplay, while more complex than your average shooter, is fun. I can see why it’s regarded as a classic.