Always look for the humour

We are certainly living through interesting times–in the Chinese curse sense of the term–here in the US. It’s barely been a week into the new administration, and from one day to the next, you can pick a random group of people, and there’s a good chance that the status of their employment, healthcare, liberty, etc. will be anything but certain. Entire swathes of our society are already being reworked, and by this time next year, our cars are probably going to be running on coal, and doctors are going to be relegated to diagnosing illnesses as imbalances of the four humours. Which brings us to today’s word.

splenetic, adj. – spiteful, ill-tempered, or melancholic

Learned from: Astrologaster (PC, Mac, mobile, Nintendo Switch)

Developed by Nyamyam

Published by Nyamyam (2019)

Astrologaster is an odd little adventure game, where you play as a freelance physician in Elizabethan England, who believes that superior medical treatment can be provided by consulting the stars. You go through the story meeting various (sometimes famous and powerful) clients, listening to their complaints and symptoms, and after consulting your star charts, offering what astrology claims is the proper diagnosis and cure, like prescribing cherries to a particularly splenetic individual…or warning them away from cherries; I don’t exactly remember what the stars said, but I remember cherries were involved in the consultation.

Along the way, you can lie and try to screw over clients you don’t like, have love affairs, dodge draconian regulations, try to get rich by nefarious means, and more. Your character isn’t a particularly good person, as you come to learn over time (spoilers), and my main gripe with the game is that you have very little say in this. As far as I can tell, certain events play out regardless of what you do, and whether you’d want your character to act in certain ways or not. Still, it’s an interesting, and quite different narrative adventure game, and worth a look if you can find it on sale.

If nothing else, it’s funny to diagnose someone with the plague, and tell them their only hope lies in daily enemas of honey and prune juice or whatever.

Always the odd one out

When I first began writing this blog, I hadn’t really intended to ever really get political; I just wanted to have a nice little corner of the Internet, where I could educate people a little bit, and ideally make them laugh in the process. But those are both things which seem anathema to the incoming administration, given their version of humor is coldhearted and cruel, and they’re planning on dismantling the Department of Education, and probably replacing it with a system where the only correct answer on any given test question is “Jesus.” If they aren’t already, education and entertainment will soon be inherently political acts by default. Which, in a roundabout way, brings us to today’s word.

theotropic, adj. – tending towards religion

Learned from: Snowbreak: Containment Zone (PC, mobile)

Developed by Seasun Games PTE. LTD.

Published by Seasun Games PTE. LTD. (2023)

For a time, my curiosity got the better of me, and I decided to try out a few gacha games, to see what all the hype was about. Sadly, none of them held my interest for more than a week. Snowbreak seemed like it might be an exception at first, with gameplay that was more a third-person shooter than an action beat ’em up, but the shine wore off pretty quickly–the fact that character voices would randomly change languages, with no way to set them back, certainly didn’t help.

The story is a convoluted sci-fi yarn centering around Titans that have been wreaking havoc on humanity, and the handful of superpowered sexy ladies (because, of course) who are fighting against them. Your character gets wrapped up in all this after being exposed to a toxic substance called Titagen (I think), which instead of killing him, alters his brain chemistry and growing theotropic nerves in his grey matter that…you know, I don’t even know. The whole thing ends up being a justification to have your sexy female operatives run around disappointingly tiny environments, shooting cannon fodder enemies, and fighting the occasional bullet-spongy boss.

If the levels weren’t so small, or there was more to do between lengthy infodumps and spinning for loot boxes, I might’ve given Snowbreak more of a chance. Alas, it didn’t do anything to make itself more compelling than the other games I tried in this genre, so I’ll never know if all the terms appropriated from Norse mythology ever solidify into a coherent plot.

But hey, at least it’s free. If your backlog is smaller than mine, you might find this one more worthwhile.

Rwise fwom your gwave!

I really need to stop drifting away from this blog every so often. But, since this is the season associated with things coming back from the dead, I thought this was as good a time as any to get back to it. Happy Halloween, everyone!

necrolatry, noun – the worship of the dead

Learned from: Xenosaga: Episode 1 (Playstation 2, mobile, Nintendo DS, Wii)

Developed by Monolith Soft

Published by Namco Bandai (2002)

This is a strange name for a strange skill. I think only one type of enemy in the entire game uses it against you, and then only in tandem with another specific type of enemy. Necrolatry reverses how healing and damage work, on whichever character it targets, so healing skills hurt them, and attacks heal them. At first, this may seem rather pointless, until you realize the cleric-type enemies have no problem targeting your party with their healing skills, but it’s pretty hard for you to do damage to your own people, or try to cast healing on the enemy. It’s a neat trick–most certainly not a treat–and one I don’t think I’ve seen used in another RPG since.

Even KOS-MOS agrees that the fact that this series hasn’t gotten a remaster is the cruelest trick of all.

Small town businesses are weird

My wife and I are members at the local food co-op, largely because you never quite know what you’re going to find there. From locally-grown produce, to fair trade baskets from Africa, to Buddha’s Hand citrus fruits from…I don’t remember where. Anyway, walking through there is always an experience. Every so often though, you don’t even have to head there to get a little taste of the unexpected. Case in point, they’re having a “Cheese Madness” event right now, with samples and brackets where their top cheeses face off against one another, until only one is left, voted in as the ultimate cheese. I’m not sure why they chose cheese for their March Madness parody, but it does bring us to today’s word.

rennet, noun – an enzyme used in the making of cheese

Learned from: Bloodstained: Ritual of the Night (Playstation 4, mobile, PC, XBox One)

Developed by ArtPlay

Published by 505 Games, Netease (2019)

Bloodstained is Castlevania in everything but name–even to the point where it was produced by Koji Igurashi, one of the heavy-hitters behind the later Castlevania games. It’s got the atmosphere, the complex maps, the varied combat, but it also includes some subsystems that were absent from most if its inspiration: namely, crafting.

Gather up the right materials, and you can create things you’d expect, like new weapons and armor, but you can also cook food to use for healing and permanent stat boosts. If you’re particularly masochistic, you can try to recreate an increasingly complicated and vague series of recipes for an old lady who can barely remember her own name, let alone the food she used to enjoy. So she’ll say she wants to taste the “portable snack” she used to love, or something “fluffy,” or something as obtuse as a “novel idea.” She rewards you if you get it right, but some of the recipes in Bloodstained are a pain to put together. Some are simple, like using wheat to make dough, to make noodles. But say you want to make a pizza…well, you need that wheat to make the dough, but you also need tomatoes, whatever the toppings are, and milk and rennet to make cheese. But you can’t just have all the base ingredients in your possession; no, that would be too easy. Unless they’ve patched it out, you needed to make every intermediate component by hand, before you could get to the final product. The rewards were usually worth it, but getting there was an uphill battle sometimes.

How fitting.

I was working on making dinner today, when an onion I was slicing up slid under my hand, and I ended up doing the knife-equivalent of whacking my thumb with a hammer. For such a relatively small wound, it bled a surprising amount. Which brings us to today’s word.

imbrued, verb – past tense of imbrue, to stain, particularly with blood

Learned from: Bloodstained: Ritual of the Night (Playstation 4, PC, Switch, XBox One, mobile)

Developed by ArtPlay, Wayforward

Published by 505 Games (2019)

When I found my first Imbrued Skull, I thought it was a typo of “imbued.” But the rest of the translation had been pretty solid, and nothing in the item’s description suggested it was imbued with anything (except perhaps blood). So, on a whim I looked it up, and yeah, it’s just a very tongue-in-cheek play on words, considering the game it’s from.

I actually kind of respect that, because while <i>Bloodstained</i> is <i>Castlevania</i> in everything but name, it’s got enough self-awareness to give it a slightly playful identity all its own. Sure, there’s themes of human experimentation, and demonology, and all that, but you’ve also got a bumbling villager who keeps getting lost, despite all your efforts to help him get home, an old lady who just wants to eat all her favorite foods one last time before she dies, and the occasional fourth wall-breaking joke. And somehow, it all works.

What a terrible night to have a bloody hand injury…

Back to normal?

Well, two days ago marked the official start of a new era in United States politics. That sounds a bit melodramatic, but the past four years have felt much, much longer. And I know the problems inherent in, and responsible for those four years won’t just go away overnight, but we can hope they were ultimately an aberration. Which brings us to today’s word.

ergodic, adj. – the tendency for a system to even out to a baseline value over time

Learned from: Oxenfree (Playstation 4, Mac, Mobile, PC, Nintendo Switch, XBox One)

Developed by Night School Studio

Published by Night School Studio (2016)

Disclaimer: The definition above is significantly simplified. The exact meaning is rather technical, and seems to vary slightly depending on which dictionary I use to look it up. This is perhaps fitting, considering the term in the game applied to a theory of thermodynamics.

Oxenfree is an interesting horror-themed adventure game. Sort of a sci-fi, coming of age, ghost story…kind of. You play (mostly) as Alex, a girl who gets invited to a party on an abandoned island one summer. Once you’re there, you and your friends accidentally make contact with…something through your portable radio, and end up in a struggle for your lives against the entities on the island. Much like today’s word, this synopsis is over-simplified, but I don’t want to give spoilers, because the narrative really is good, with dialogue choices that seem to matter, and some really neat twists.

Anyway, at one point, you discover the notes of someone who was researching the entities, and it’s in this person’s study that you find, among other things, books on ergodic thermodynamics. You know, just a bit of light reading while your friends are getting possessed, and reality itself is warping around you.

Damn teenagers, always on their radios, opening rifts in space-time…

Pluto is in marmalade: ill fortune!

I probably shouldn’t joke about this too loudly; given the propensity toward essential oils and goji berries that some people in my country have, I don’t want to give them ideas about regressing to Medieval “cures” for diseases. And this is related to today’s word, but first I’d like to apologize for being gone for so long. I was training someone in at work for a few weeks, and life in general had gotten more draining somehow. But I did find some time amidst all that to play a few games. Such as this one.

borage, noun – a flowering herb native to the Mediterranean; also known as starflower

Learned from: Astrologaster (PC, mobile)

Developed by Nyamnyam

Published by Nyamnyam (2019)

Astrologaster is sort of a fully-narrated choose your own adventure game. You play as “doctor” Simon Forman, a 16th-century astrologer who sets his sights on medicine after the stars tell him how to cure the plague (a cure he calls “strong water,” which includes, among other things, borage). The only problem is, he doesn’t have a medical license. Since posing as a doctor without a license is a crime in Elizabethan Londan, Simon sets out to acquire one the only way he knows how–not through study and scholarship, but through providing sound medical advice through astrology. What could possibly go wrong?

And it’s not just people’s health that you’ll be dealing with. You’ll also consult the stars to offer advice on investments, love affairs, and even military campaigns. Things can go horribly (and at times hilariously) awry, and you can intentionally sabotage people if you want, but it’ll make it harder to get the recommendations you need to get your license.

That is, of course, when Simon isn’t sabotaging himself. Without spoiling anything, I will say that he becomes a rather…unlikable character as the story goes on, doing things behind the scenes that the player (as far as I can tell) has no control over. This made it a bit of a chore to finish the game, in all honesty, because after awhile I wasn’t really sure I wanted to see him succeed. Still, there’s a colorful cast of characters, some solid voice acting, and writing that’s genuinely funny at times. If the overall premise sounds appealing, you’ll probably enjoy Astrologaster to some extent.

borage

Fun fact: While edible (and pretty), borage contains chemicals that may be carcinogenic. Not recommended for the treatment of plague.

1,000 Points of Light

By this point, I’m sure most of you know about the situation in Australia. If somehow you aren’t, the continent is on fire. Millions of animals have died, thousands of people have been displaced, and as of right now, the fires show no signs of stopping. Today’s word should be self-explanatory….

inferno, noun – an intense, uncontrollable blaze

Learned from: Shadowgate (Apple IIGS, Atari ST, Amiga, CD-I, Game Boy Color, Macintosh, NES, Palm OS, PC, mobile phone)

Developed by ICOM Simulations, Inc.

Published by Mindscape (1987), (Kemco, 1989 for the NES)

Far from the real-world horrorscape that is Australia right now, opening a door to find just an entire chasm full of fire seems downright passe. Shadowgate was known for being unpredictable. Each door, or hatch, or hallway could just as easily lead to a wizard’s laboratory, or a dragon’s hoard, or a bridge over a sea of flames. The sheer variety of scenes led to an equally broad set of creative solutions in order to progress.

Sadly, there’s no icy crystal orb we can shatter against the ground to put out the infernos raging across Australia. Indeed, once you see some of the photos from the area, it can be easy to feel like there’s no solution at all. And for any one of us, that’s true. Fortunately, fixing this–or any other problem of this scope–doesn’t fall on the shoulders of any one person. The most any one of us can do is what we can. If you’re inclined to spit in the face of impossible odds, and do all that anyone could ask, this article has a list of things you can do to help, at the bottom. Again, no one person could be expected to do all of them, but any of us could do at least one.

Creepy stuff knows no season

I know Halloween was awhile ago, but recently on my way to work, I walked through a scene straight out of a horror movie. But first, today’s word.

eviscerate, verb – to disembowel; to remove the entrails

Learned from: Quake (PC, Mac, Nintendo 64, Sega Saturn, mobile)

Developed by id Software (PC), Lobotomy Software (Saturn), Midway Games (N64)

Published by GT Interactive (PC), MacSoft (Mac), Sega (Saturn), Midway Games (N64) (1996)

Quake had a lot of personality, from the Lovecraftian overtones, to the goading messages taunting you whenever you went to quit the game, to the death messages unique for every monster that could kill you. The most memorable one for me was, “You’ve been eviscerated by a fiend.”

At the time, the graphics were pretty much first-generation 3D. Character models were blocky, animations were stiff and jerky, and blood was just a spray of square red pixels. Obviously, they couldn’t effectively display every unique death with the technology of the time, but flavor text like this really lent a vivid level of detail as to exactly what happened to your character…and now, to continue the story.

So, I pass by a cemetery on my way to work, which is enclosed by a wrought-iron fence. I’m going along like normal, until something catches my eye along the fence: a beachball-sized area of the fence itself, where it looked like something had been either pulverized against the side of the fence, or else staked on the spikes at the top. The main area was a bloody mess, with bits of hair and actual flesh still clinging to the posts. It had dripped down the fence, to a patch of grass the size of a coffee table–I should clarify, it had soaked a patch of grass the size of a coffee table. And as I followed it off the grass, I realized I was standing in a smear of blood that trailed all the way down the hill, occasionally meandering to the edge of the sidewalk and pooling. As if whatever it was had dragged itself as far as it could, before stopping periodically to regain a bit of strength, before forcing itself onward.

It was too late in the year to be a Halloween prank, and there was far too much blood for it to have been a bird that flew into the fence or something (and again, hair, not feathers was sticking to the metal). At the time, I was at a complete loss, but rather freaked out; after some consideration, the best explanation I have, is that a deer tried to jump the fence, and didn’t make it…yet managed to tear itself off the spikes, and continue on its way…which is pretty horrifying, in and of itself.

Quake seems downright tame, by comparison.

04a-fiend

Far less bloody than what I (literally) walked through.

Because it feels like I’ve been living under a rock…

October ended up being a very busy month for me. Besides the joys of homeownership requiring a lot of attention, I also got put in charge of training at work, which is pretty stressful for an introvert. Throw in Halloween commitments, and figuring out logistics for some things later this year, and it really does feel like I’ve been locked away for several weeks. Which, in a roundabout way, brings us to today’s word.

undercroft, noun – a brick-lined cellar

Learned from: The Letter (PC, Mac, Mobile)

Developed by Yangyang Mobile

Published by Yangyang Mobile (2017)

Given that it was October, I wanted to play at least one horror-themed game, and I’d picked up this visual novel on Steam during a sale awhile back. It plays out through the viewpoints of several characters, but the story centers around the sale of a huge mansion with a checkered past. Obviously, something is Very Very Wrong (TM), and you get to see the various characters get wrapped up in the supernatural events over the course of a…rather plodding plot. It starts out fairly strong, but there are some characters I honestly didn’t like enough to care whether they lived or died, and the story unfortunately spends as much time with them, as with more likable members of the cast. It also doesn’t help that the game is riddled with typos and grammatical errors, as well as the fact that it sometimes doesn’t seem to know what tone it wants to have (e.g. the property is the “Ermengarde Mansion,” which seems like it should indicate a lighthearted tone full of puns and memes…except they never really do anything with it. It just sits there like a turd in a punch bowl).

Anyway, the first character you play is the real estate agent who’s hoping to find a buyer for this problematic property. In showing one set of potential clients around, one of them notices a trapdoor in the kitchen that leads to the undercroft. But surely nothing horrible would ever happen in a dusty old wine cellar beneath a trapdoor, right?

letter

Belated happy Halloween, and all that. Sadly, this game is a lot less scary than this image would imply.